If Winter Don't: A.B.C.D.E.F. NotsomuchinsonPain, Barry
General
If Winter Don't: A.B.C.D.E.F. Notsomuchinson
Pain, Barry
Hutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth), 1880-1971. If winter comes; Parodies
"Well, old bean," said Dot, "it was like this. I'll tell you."
She seated herself on the bed. "You see, this house has only got
four reception-rooms and eight bedrooms, and all the washing's done
at home, and all the dressmaking, and there's a good deal of
entertaining, mostly when you're not there, and everything has to be
right up to the mark. Well, as there were the whole two of us to do
it, your old woman thought time would be hanging heavy on our hands,
so now we do the garden as well. The other day Mr. Doom Dagshaw was
lunching here, and they were going to play tennis afterwards. Your bit
of skirt has some proper games with that Dagshaw. I watch them out of
the pantry window in my leisure moments. Well, anyhow, I'd to mark out
the tennis court, and I mixed up a bit more of the stuff than was
needed, and I thought I might as well use it up on your pegs. You see,
I get a half-Sunday off every three months, and it was only a
fourteen-mile walk there and back. And I'm sure I didn't know what
else to do with my holiday."
"Dot," said Luke, "you seem to be able to enter into things. You get
the hang of my ideas. Some do, some don't. If you can sneak off for
half-an-hour to-morrow evening we'll go and play at boats together."
"Boats?"
"Yes. You know the bridge. We get two pieces of wood, throw them in
the stream on one side, then run across and watch them come out on the
other. And the one that comes out first, wins. Won't that be
glorious?"
"Well, you are one to think of things," said Dot.
(And now we'll have a little novelty. The Great Novelists of to-day
number their sections. We'll have a number without any section. This
has never been done be----
4
CHAPTER IV
It can be hardly necessary to say that Mabel caught Luke and Dot
playing boats on the following evening. Luke was always discovered. He
was even detected when he had done nothing.
As he dressed for dinner that night, he reflected that once more Mabel
had disappointed him. He had expected her to get into a fury of
jealousy, and to suspect him of the most criminal intentions with
regard to Dot. This would have been real suffering for him, and he
would have enjoyed it. But all she had said to him was that she wished
he would behave a little more like a man and a little less like a
baby, and an imbecile baby at that. All she had said to Dot was that
she thought she could find her some other occupation. It was difficult
for him to keep his temper. But he exercised self-control. In fact, he
never spoke another word for the rest of the evening. It was a pity.
He was such a pleasant man. Why could not Mabel see it?
Things were no better at breakfast next morning.
Mabel said, "Just fancy, Mrs. Smith in a sable stole at church last
Sunday, and I know for a fact that he only gets three-ten. If it was
real sable it was wicked, and if it was not she was acting a lie."
Luke smote the table once with his clenched fist, spilt his tea, and
resumed his newspaper.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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