If Winter Don't: A.B.C.D.E.F. NotsomuchinsonPain, Barry
General
If Winter Don't: A.B.C.D.E.F. Notsomuchinson
Pain, Barry
Hutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth), 1880-1971. If winter comes; Parodies
"Further from Mabel," he thought, as he mounted his bike. "Every day,
in every way, I'm getting further and further."
About two miles from Dilborough he became suddenly aware that two
motor-cars were approaching him. They were being driven abreast at
racing speed, and occupied the whole of the road. For one moment Luke
thought of remaining where he was, and causing Mabel to be a widow.
Then, murmuring to himself, "Safety first," he ran up the grassy slope
at the side of the road and fell off. Both the cars pulled up. A man's
voice sang out cheerily: "Hallo, Sharper. Hallo, hallo. Who gave you
leave to dismount?"
Luke recognized the voice. One of the cars was driven by Lord Tyburn,
and the other by his wife, Jona.
Luke hurriedly drove in a peg to mark the spot, and came down into the
road again.
"How's yourself?" said Lord Tyburn. "We've been away for two years.
Timbuctoo, Margate. All over the place. Only got back to Gallows last
night."
Luke shook hands with him and with Jona.
"You've not changed much," said Jona. "Same funny old face."
"It is the only one that I happen to have, Lady Tyburn."
"Oh, drop it. Call me Jona. You always used to, Lukie, you know. And
Bill don't mind; do you, Bill?"
"That? Lord, no. But what you have been and done, Sharper, is to spoil
a very pretty and sporting event. Jona and I were racing to Halfpenny
Hole, and I'd got her absolutely beaten."
"Liar," said Jona, "I was leading--leading by inches."
"Ah, but I'd lots in reserve."
"Strong, silent man, ain't you?" said Jona.
They both laughed.
"Yes," said Luke, "I'm afraid I was rather in the way. I seem to be
almost always in the way. It happens at home. It happens at the
office. I say, I wonder what you two would have done if you'd met a
cart?"
"Jumped it," said Jona, and laughed again.
"Sorry," said Lord Tyburn, "but I must rush off. I've just spotted my
agent, five fields away. So long, Sharper. Come up and inspect us
soon."
He drove the car up the grassy slope, smashed a way through the
hedge--after all, it was his own hedge--and vanished.
"He drives wonderfully," said Luke.
"He's that kind," said Jona. "He does everything well. He does himself
well. Are you glad to see me again, Lukie?"
The tips of his ears crept slowly forward. "I shall have to think for
a long time to know that I really am to see you again."
"'Fraid I can't wait a long time," said Jona. "See you again soon."
She waved her hand to him and drove off.
Luke rode on as if in a dream. Suddenly he became aware that he had
passed the door of his office. He thought of turning round in the
street and riding back, but he had turned round in the street once
before, and a great number of people had been hurt. He dismounted and
walked back.
As his custom was, he knocked at the door of Mr. Diggle's room and
entered. Mr. Diggle, who still retained much of his schoolmaster
manner, sat at his desk with his back to Sharper. He did not look
round.
"That you, Sharper?" he said.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account