In a Canadian Canoe; The Nine Muses Minus One, and Other StoriesPain, Barry
General
In a Canadian Canoe; The Nine Muses Minus One, and Other Stories
Pain, Barry
English wit and humor
I gave in. I had an indistinct idea that I was going mad, but I walked
carefully across the polished street, and leaned over the low stone
wall. Certainly it was a marvellous and beautiful sight. Far down, as
far as my eye could reach, there was darkness; and the darkness was
strewn with myriad golden stars. I heard the horse’s voice behind me:
“The smallest of those is the world you’ve just left, and this is the
world you’ve come to.”
I knew perfectly well that this was impossible and quite unscientific,
and as I leaned over the wall I formed my conclusions. I had been
terribly overworked lately, and probably part of my brain had given
way----
“Never had any!” yelled the horse, and went into a roar of unmannerly
laughter.
I took no notice whatever of this, but went on thinking. These
delusions must have arisen from some such partial failure of
brain-power. It was to be hoped that it was only temporary. Probably
rest and medical advice would soon set me up again. I would step across
to the grocer’s, and inquire where the nearest doctor lived. As I
crossed the street, I noticed that the horse was humming the National
Anthem. I pushed open the door of the grocery and entered. There were
counters and shelves, but nothing on them. After waiting a little while
I ventured to tap on the floor with my foot. A voice from the other
side of the counter said:--
“What may we have the pleasure of doing for you?”
I looked, but I could not see any one, and I ventured to say so.
“No, you can’t see me. It doesn’t really matter, but I think I left it
downstairs. James,” the voice called to some invisible person at the
farther end of the shop, “what did I do with my body? I had it only
this morning.”
The answer came in a boyish voice: “You left it in the cellar, Joseph,
when you were packing up the nightmares.”
“So I did, so I did. You’re right, James.”
“But,” I said, “I can’t see James’s body either.”
“No, you see James has only got one. You’re very inquisitive. If you
must know, his body’s gone to the wash. You wouldn’t have him wear it
dirty?”
“I generally wash my own,” I said mildly.
“Well, we don’t. This is a grocery, not a laundry.”
“You must excuse me,” I pleaded, “I’m quite a stranger in these parts.”
I saw it was no good to inquire for a doctor. If the grocery was part
of the delusion, as it seemed to be, it would be absurd to make the
inquiry there. If, on the other hand, the grocery really existed, then
probably I did not require the doctor’s services. But I felt very
muddled about it. “I suppose you’re Mr. Joseph?” I said.
“I am Joseph, and I should take it as a favour if you would tell me
with what I can serve you.”
“Well,” I said, “judging from the state of your counter and shelves, I
don’t see anything you can serve me with.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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