“I am come to task your patience by asking your advice. When I say your
patience, I might, indeed, say more; I might have said your
humanity—your compassion; for I have been and am a great sufferer.”
“My dear sir,” replied the churchman, “it will, indeed, afford me
infinite gratification if I can give you comfort in any distress of
mind; but—you know——”
“I know what you would say,” resumed Barton, quickly; “I am an
unbeliever, and, therefore, incapable of deriving help from religion;
but don’t take that for granted. At least you must not assume that,
however unsettled my convictions may be, I do not feel a deep—a very
deep—interest in the subject. Circumstances have lately forced it upon
my attention, in such a way as to compel me to review the whole
question in a more candid and teachable spirit, I believe, than I ever
studied it in before.”
“Your difficulties, I take it for granted, refer to the evidences of
revelation,” suggested the clergyman.
“Why—no—not altogether; in fact I am ashamed to say I have not
considered even my objections sufficiently to state them connectedly;
but—but there is one subject on which I feel a peculiar interest.”
He paused again, and Doctor —— pressed him to proceed.
“The fact is,” said Barton, “whatever may be my uncertainty as to the
authenticity of what we are taught to call revelation, of one fact I am
deeply and horribly convinced, that there does exist beyond this a
spiritual world—a system whose workings are generally in mercy hidden
from us—a system which may be, and which is sometimes, partially and
terribly revealed. I am sure—I _know_,” continued Barton, with
increasing excitement, “that there is a God—a dreadful God—and that
retribution follows guilt, in ways the most mysterious and
stupendous—by agencies the most inexplicable and terrific;—there is a
spiritual system—great God, how I have been convinced!—a system
malignant, and implacable, and omnipotent, under whose persecutions I
am, and have been, suffering the torments of the damned!—yes,
sir—yes—the fires and frenzy of hell!”
As Barton spoke, his agitation became so vehement that the Divine was
shocked, and even alarmed. The wild and excited rapidity with which he
spoke, and, above all, the indefinable horror, that stamped his
features, afforded a contrast to his ordinary cool and unimpassioned
self-possession striking and painful in the last degree.
CHAPTER V.
MR. BARTON STATES HIS CASE.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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