jarred on him, the laughter made him feel ashamed, he could not swallow
a morsel, and the wine had a bad taste; everyone seemed as though they
were worked by machinery, the house, the bay, the schooner, the
mountains, all seemed so overwhelmingly near.
A dead calm had set in, so that the whole party were obliged to walk
back to town. They started on their walk singing and all together; but
almost immediately some of the numerous summer visitors came pouring
out from the houses along the road, and, as they were all
acquaintances, they stopped to speak. The newcomers joined them and
walked on with them; then came others, and each time they stopped, and
each time the party broke up and became more divided. In that way Ole
was able to keep behind without anyone's noticing it. He could not bear
their company and their merriment any longer.
Now it was that everything was, as it were, concentrated in Josephine.
The being attacked and overthrown by Edward, the shame of this defeat,
his wounded religious feelings ... it all was due to the fact that she
had not upheld him, neither by word nor by look; had shunned him
before, and now had gone and left him! He could not stand that; for she
had grown to be so much, too much, for him, he knew it and was not
ashamed. That which once had been his highest aim, namely, to be a
missionary, had fallen from him like scales, when he saw she no longer
cared about it. Whenever his mother had said that he should never
become a missionary, his answer was that God must be obeyed before man.
But when Josephine, in her strong sort of way, had looked closer into
the reality of things, he gave up all his wishes without her needing
even to say a word on the subject. He said to himself that he would
surely be punished for having so great a love for any one person. But
he could not help it.
With these and thousands of similar thoughts in his mind, he lagged
behind, and turned off from the road up into the wood; there he lay
down, waiting until their summer acquaintances should pass back again.
He soon turned over, and lay with his face downwards, the cool blades
of grass prickling both cheeks and forehead, and the half-wet earth he
seemed to inhale suited his mood. All these tiny blades of grass were
as nothing in the shade; and so it was with him--through her he reached
the sunny side of life, without her all was shadow.
A voice within him seemed to say her brother had taken her from him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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