He said that he did, but his sombre gaze into darkness belied him.
So again she slipped her arm through his and he suffered himself to
be led away along the path of shinning arrows under foot.
At his door she said cheerfully: "No more undressing for bed, you
know. No more luxury of night-clothes. You heard the orders about
lifebelts?"
"Yes," he replied listlessly.
"Very well. I'll be waiting for you."
She lingered a moment more watching him in his brooding revery where
he stood leaning against the doorway. And after a while he raised
his haunted eyes to hers.
"I can't keep on," he breathed.
"Yes you can!"
"No.... The world is slipping away--under foot. It's going on
without me--in spite of me."
"It's you that are slipping, if anything is. Be fair to the world at
least--even if you mean to betray it--and me."
"I don't want to betray anybody--anything." He had begun to tremble
when he stood leaning against his door. "I--don't know--what to do."
"Stand by the world. Stand by me. And, through me, stand by your own
self."
The young fellow's forehead was wet with the vague horror of
something. He made an effort to speak, to straighten up; gave her a
dreadful look of appeal which turned into a snarl.
He whispered between writhing lips: "Can't you let me alone? Can't I
end it if I can't stand it--without your blocking me every
time--every time I stir a finger--"
"McKay! Wait! Don't touch me!--don't do that!"
But he had her in a sudden grip now--was looking right and left for
a place to hurl her out of the way.
"I've stood enough, by God!" he muttered between his teeth. "Now I'm
through--"
"Please listen. You're out of your mind," she said breathlessly, not
struggling to free herself, but striving to twist both her arms
around one of his.
"You hurt me," she whimpered. "Don't be brutal to me!"
"I've got to get you out of my way." He tried to fling her across
the corridor into her own cabin, but she had fastened herself to
him.
"Don't!" she panted. "Don't do anything to yourself--"
"Let go of me! Unclasp your arms!"
But she clung the more desperately and wound her limbs around his,
almost tripping him.
"I WON'T give you up!" she gasped.
"What do you care?" he retorted hoarsely, striving to tear himself
loose. "I want to get some rest--somewhere!"
"You're hurting! You're breaking my arm! Kay! Kay! what are you
doing to me?" she wailed.
Something--perhaps the sound of his own name falling from her lips
for the first time--checked his mounting frenzy. She could feel
every muscle in his body become rigidly inert.
"Kay!" she whispered, fastening herself to him convulsively. For a
full minute she sustained his half-insane stare, then it altered,
and her own eyes slowly closed, though her head remained upright on
the rigid marble of her neck.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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