Their affair had been settled by other things: by the evident sincerity
of his passion and by the sense that his high white apron resembled a
front of many floors. It had gone a great way with her that he would
build up a business to his chin, which he carried quite in the air.
This could only be a question of time; he would have all Piccadilly in
the pen behind his ear. That was a merit in itself for a girl who had
known what she had known. There were hours at which she even found him
good-looking, though, frankly there could be no crown for her effort to
imagine on the part of the tailor or the barber some such treatment of
his appearance as would make him resemble even remotely a man of the
world. His very beauty was the beauty of a grocer, and the finest
future would offer it none too much room consistently to develop. She
had engaged herself in short to the perfection of a type, and almost
anything square and smooth and whole had its weight for a person still
conscious herself of being a mere bruised fragment of wreckage. But it
contributed hugely at present to carry on the two parallel lines of her
experience in the cage and her experience out of it. After keeping
quiet for some time about this opposition she suddenly—one Sunday
afternoon on a penny chair in the Regent’s Park—broke, for him,
capriciously, bewilderingly, into an intimation of what it came to. He
had naturally pressed more and more on the point of her again placing
herself where he could see her hourly, and for her to recognise that
she had as yet given him no sane reason for delay he had small need to
describe himself as unable to make out what she was up to. As if, with
her absurd bad reasons, she could have begun to tell him! Sometimes she
thought it would be amusing to let him have them full in the face, for
she felt she should die of him unless she once in a while stupefied
him; and sometimes she thought it would be disgusting and perhaps even
fatal. She liked him, however, to think her silly, for that gave her
the margin which at the best she would always require; and the only
difficulty about this was that he hadn’t enough imagination to oblige
her. It produced none the less something of the desired effect—to leave
him simply wondering why, over the matter of their reunion, she didn’t
yield to his arguments. Then at last, simply as if by accident and out
of mere boredom on a day that was rather flat, she preposterously
produced her own. “Well, wait a bit. Where I am I still see things.”
And she talked to him even worse, if possible, than she had talked to
Jordan.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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