pampered to the widow of a clergyman. The widow, on her side, dilating
on the initiations thus opened up to her, had been splendid to her
young friend, over the way she was made free of the greatest houses—the
way, especially when she did the dinner-tables, set out so often for
twenty, she felt that a single step more would transform her whole
social position. On its being asked of her then if she circulated only
in a sort of tropical solitude, with the upper servants for picturesque
natives, and on her having to assent to this glance at her limitations,
she had found a reply to the girl’s invidious question. “You’ve no
imagination, my dear!”—that was because a door more than half open to
the higher life couldn’t be called anything but a thin partition. Mrs.
Jordan’s imagination quite did away with the thickness.
Our young lady had not taken up the charge, had dealt with it
good-humouredly, just because she knew so well what to think of it. It
was at once one of her most cherished complaints and most secret
supports that people didn’t understand her, and it was accordingly a
matter of indifference to her that Mrs. Jordan shouldn’t; even though
Mrs. Jordan, handed down from their early twilight of gentility and
also the victim of reverses, was the only member of her circle in whom
she recognised an equal. She was perfectly aware that her imaginative
life was the life in which she spent most of her time; and she would
have been ready, had it been at all worth while, to contend that, since
her outward occupation didn’t kill it, it must be strong indeed.
Combinations of flowers and green-stuff, forsooth! What _she_ could
handle freely, she said to herself, was combinations of men and women.
The only weakness in her faculty came from the positive abundance of
her contact with the human herd; this was so constant, it had so the
effect of cheapening her privilege, that there were long stretches in
which inspiration, divination and interest quite dropped. The great
thing was the flashes, the quick revivals, absolute accidents all, and
neither to be counted on nor to be resisted. Some one had only
sometimes to put in a penny for a stamp and the whole thing was upon
her. She was so absurdly constructed that these were literally the
moments that made up—made up for the long stiffness of sitting there in
the stocks, made up for the cunning hostility of Mr. Buckton and the
importunate sympathy of the counter-clerk, made up for the daily deadly
flourishy letter from Mr. Mudge, made up even for the most haunting of
her worries, the rage at moments of not knowing how her mother did “get
it.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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