The evening was fair, autumnal; the sun was quenching slowly on the
towers of Kieff and on the distant grave-mounds of the steppe. Its light
was still visible on the roof above Yosef and Gustav. Both were bent
over their work and, sitting in silence, used the last rays of evening
with eagerness. Gustav had returned from the city not long before; he
was suffering and pale, he panted more than usual. On his face a certain
uneasiness was manifest, vexation, even pain; this he strove to conceal,
but still it was evident from the fever of his eyes. Both men were
silent. It was clear, however, that Gustav wished to break the silence,
for he turned to Yosef frequently; but since it seemed as though the
first word could be spoken only with difficulty, he sank back to his
book again. At last evident impatience was expressed on his face; he
seized his cap from the table, and rose.
"What o'clock is it now?" asked he.
"Six."
"Why art thou not going to the widow's? Thou goest every day to visit
her."
Yosef turned toward Gustav,--
"It was at her request that I went with thee to her lodgings the first
time. Let us not mention the subject. I do not care to speak of that
which would be disagreeable to both of us; for that matter, we
understand each other perfectly. I will not see the widow to-day, or
to-morrow, or any day. Thou hast my word and hand on that."
They stood then in silence, Yosef with extended hand. Gustav, hesitating
and disturbed by the awkward position, finally pressed the palm of his
comrade.
Evidently words came to both with difficulty; one did not wish to use
heartfelt expressions, the other heartfelt thanks. After a while they
parted.
Men's feelings are strange sometimes, and the opposite of those which
would seem the reward of noble deeds. Yosef promised Gustav not to see
Pani Helena, the widow. Whether he loved her or not, that was a
sacrifice on his part, for in his toilsome and monotonous existence she
was the only bright point around which his thought loved to circle.
Though thinking about her was only the occupation of moments snatched
from hard labor and devoted to rest and mental freedom, to renounce such
moments was to deprive rest of its charm, it was to remove a motive from
life at a place where feeling might bud out and blossom.
Yosef, after thinking a little, did this without hesitation. He made a
sacrifice.
Still, when Gustav had gone from the room, there was on Yosef's face an
expression of distaste, even anger. Was that regret for the past, or for
the deed done a moment before?
No.
When he extended his hand to Gustav, the latter hesitated in taking it.
Not to accept a sacrifice given by an energetic soul is to cover the
deed of sacrifice itself with a shadow of ridicule; and this in the mind
of him who makes the sacrifice is to be ungrateful, and to cast a grain
of deep hatred into the rich field of vanity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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