France -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction; Women -- France -- Fiction
self-esteem would have suffered if he had ceased to be master in his own
house, it suffered much more from the consciousness that he was master
in a hateful and absurd fashion. He would have liked to convince and he
simply commanded; to reign, and he governed. Sometimes he gave an order
that was awkwardly expressed, or, without reflection, issued orders that
were injurious to his own interests. Madame Delmare saw that they were
carried out without scrutiny, without question, with the indifference of
the horse that draws the plough in one direction or another. Delmare,
when he saw the result of the failure to understand his ideas, of the
misconstruction of his wishes, would fly into a rage; but when she had
proved to him with a few tranquil, icy words that she had simply caused
his orders to be obeyed, he was reduced to the necessity of turning his
wrath against himself. It was a cruel pang, a bitter affront to that man
of petty self-esteem and of violent passions.
Several times he would have killed his wife, if he had been at Smyrna or
at Cairo. And yet he loved with all his heart that weak woman who lived
in subjection to him and kept the secret of his ill-treatment with
religious prudence. He loved her or pitied her--I do not know which. He
would have liked to win her love, for he was proud of her education and
of her superiority. He would have risen in his own eyes if she would
have stooped so far as to parley with his ideas and his principles. When
he went to her apartments in the morning with the purpose of picking a
quarrel with her, he sometimes found her asleep and dared not wake her.
He would gaze at her in silence; he would take fright at the delicacy of
her constitution, the pallor of her cheeks, at the air of calm
melancholy, of resignation to misfortune expressed by that motionless
and silent face. He would find in her features innumerable subjects of
self-reproach, remorse, anger and dread. He would blush at the thought
of the influence which so frail a creature had exerted over his
destiny--he, a man of iron, accustomed to command others, to see whole
battalions, spirited horses and frightened men march at a word from his
lips.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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