By the way, my colts, you know--but no, I didn't set out to tell about my colts. CHAPTER VI Well, at this point, gentlemen, I leave a blank and pass on to the wedding day. My father--in--law, who always landed on his feet like a cat, had decided to exploit my popularity for his own ends, and he utilised the celebration of my wedding for renewing his connection with all the people who had long been avoiding him. He dived deep into his pocket and arranged a prodigious feast, at which, as he expressed it, champagne was to flow in rivulets along the table. No need to tell you that the whole hullabaloo was a nuisance to me; but that's just the trouble about being a bridegroom. He is a ridiculous figure whose organs of will have been peeled out of his cranium for the time being. On the morning of the great day I was sitting in my study--very cross--the whole house stinking of paint--when the door opened and Lothar came in. In high feather apparently--had on top boots--threw himself on my neck. Hurrah! Dear old uncle! Travelled all night to be here on time; won the prize the day before at the steeplechase; rode like the devil; didn't break his neck anyhow; drank like a fish. Still he was fresh; ready to dance like a top; brought some surprises along--very fiery kind; I was to give him twenty-five men to drill immediately--and so forth. It came out in a stream while his black eyebrows kept jerking up and down and his eyes glowed from under them like burning coals. "That is youth," I reflected and suppressed a sigh. I should have liked to borrow those eyes of his for twenty-four hours and everything else that went with them. "You don't ask about my bride?" I ventured. He laughed very loud. "Uncle, uncle, uncle! A pretty business! You marrying? You marrying? And I sending off the sky rockets! Hurrah!" And still laughing he ran out of the room. I finished my cigar, much depressed. Afterwards, I thought, I would go on a round of inspection through the renovated rooms. In front of the bedroom door my sister caught me just as she was having her luggage carried away. "No admission here," she said. "This is to be a surprise to both of you." Both of us? Silly! About eleven o'clock I started dressing. My coat cut into my shoulders. My boots pinched me on the balls of my feet. For thirty years I had been suffering from gout--a sequel to the Puetz punches. My shirt bosom stiff as a board, necktie too short, everything awful. About two o'clock I drove to the bride's home, where the wedding was to be celebrated. And now, gentlemen, comes a dream, or rather a nightmare, with all the sensations of choking, of being strangled, of sinking into a pit. And yet full of happy moments, when I thought, "Everything will be all right. You have your good heart and your fine intentions. You will spread a carpet for her to tread on. She will walk the earth like a queen and never notice her chains."