London (England) -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Upper class -- Fiction
He sat for a while musing, then went up to his own room. He walked up
and down with the letter in his hands; at length, as if unwillingly, he
destroyed it. When he had done so, he unlocked a drawer, and took out a
collection of letters, all from Isabel. One of them he held to the paper
still burning in the fireplace, then threw the others, one by one, upon
the flame. As he watched the last sparks flicker, he was overcome with a
rush of tears. He covered his face with his hands, and stood weeping.
There was a change in him after that day. He walked for several hours
each morning, and the rest of his time gave to new books, which he got
from a library. His own volumes did not attract him; he read simply with
the pleasure in novelty, which is as far as most people ever get to in
the matter of reading. His mind appeared to be quite calm, and in the
evenings he spoke freely with his sister. By degrees the question
of what he should do for a living actively occupied him. He
answered advertisements persistently, and received no replies; that,
circumstances considered, was in the order of things. The world has no
place for a man who is possessed merely of general intelligence and a
fair amount of reading. No one will take him on trust or on trial.
There must be specific capacity, estimable in terms of the ledger.
Lacking this, and lacking the aid of influential friends, a man
may starve--or there is the workhouse. What would you have? We are
civilised, and enjoy the blessings of a social order.
Kingcote believed that Mr. Meres might have helped him, but in that
quarter he could not apply. Gabriel was his only friend; Mr. Vissian,
though correspondence with him continued, could scarcely be counted. But
neither had Gabriel any practical suggestions to offer. He always talked
of literary work, and literary work Kingcote could not undertake; it was
perhaps his one note of actual wisdom, that he recognised his unfitness
for earning money by the pen, and did not waste time in efforts that
way. He was prepared, he said, to do anything that promised an income
whereon he and his sister could live. Were it manual labour, well and
good; were it the basest of clerkships, equally well.
“I have a need of work,” he said to Gabriel, one day about Christmas
time. “It is getting to be a physical need. I must do something which
calls for exertion. Do you know that I am at present exactly in the
state which leads men to any kind of dissipation, which tests their
character. If I had not my home and my sister, I should fall into the
gulf by the edge of which walk such men as I am. And, if I fell, there
would be no ascent to the light.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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