Alas!----how changed that mien!
How changed these timid looks have been,
Since years of guilt and of disguise,
Have steel'd her brow, and arm'd her eyes!
No more of virgin terror speaks
The blood that mantles in her cheeks;
Fierce and unfeminine are there
Frenzy for joy, for grief despair.
SCOTT.
Mrs. Linchmore had married for money, yet money had not brought the
happiness she expected. At its shrine she had sacrificed all she held
dearest on earth, and with it her own self-esteem and self-respect. In
the first few months she had tried to reconcile the false step to
herself, had tried to hush the still, small voice within that was
constantly rising to upbraid her. Was not wealth hers? and with it could
she not purchase everything else? Alas! the "still, small voice" would
be heard. She could not stifle it; it pursued her everywhere: in her
pursuits abroad, in her occupations at home--Home! the name was a
mockery. It was a gilded prison, in which her heart was becoming cold
and hard, and all the best feelings of her woman's nature were being
turned to stone.
Ten years had passed away since Mrs Linchmore stood at the altar as a
bride; ten, to her, slow, miserable years. How changed she was! Her
husband, he who ought to have been her first thought, she treated with
cold indifference; yet he still loved her so passionately that not all
her coldness had been able to root out his love. Her voice was music to
him, her very step made his heart beat more quickly, and sometimes
brought a quick flush to his face; all that she did was his delight,
even her faults he looked on with patient forbearance. But although he
loved her so devotedly, he rarely betrayed it; his face might brighten
and flush when he heard her step, yet by the time she had drawn near,
and stood, perhaps, close by his side as he wrote, it had paled again,
and he would even look up and answer her coldly and calmly, while only
the unsteadiness of his hand as he bent over the paper again, would show
the tumult within; while she, his wife, all unconscious, would stand
coldly by, and pass as coldly away out of his sight, never heeding,
never seeing, the mournful longing and love in his eyes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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