Fairy tales -- Parodies, imitations, etc.; Short stories, American
"All you have to do is to affix a half dozen ciphers to the remainder
before you start the overdraft," said Jack. "For instance, on my way
up here this morning I found that the balance on hand was only
$3,575,457, so, feeling that I should be more comfortable with just a
little more ready money to carry me along, I added those six ciphers you
see on the right-hand side of the figures, bringing the balance up to
$3,575,457,000,000. If you will examine the ciphers under a microscope,
sir, you will note that they have only recently been entered."
"By thunder!" roared the ogre, glaring at the book enviously. "This is
one of the marvels of the age. Why, armed with a book like that you can
buy anything in sight!"
"If the other man will sell," said Jack. "By-the-way, would you mind if
I lit my after-breakfast cigarette?"
"Go ahead! Go ahead! Do anything you darn please," said the ogre, gazing
at him with wonder.
Jack thereupon drew a check for $500,000, tore it from the book, and
rolled it into a small cylinder, which he filled with some corn-silk he
had in his pocket, and then lit it with another check for a similar
amount.
The ogre's eyes nearly popped out of his head at such a marvellous
exhibition of resources.
"It makes an expensive smoke," smiled Jack, settling back to the
enjoyment of the cigarette, "but after all, as long as I have the money,
why not enjoy myself? Will you join me?"
He took up his pen as though to make another.
"No, no, no!" cried the ogre, walking agitatedly up and down the floor.
"I--er--I'm afraid it's too soon after breakfast for me. Do you mean to
tell me that such an inexhaustible treasure as this really exists?"
"There it is, right before your eyes," said Jack. "Suppose we test it.
Think of a large sum of money, tell me what it is, and see if I can't go
you a dollar better."
"Four hundred millions!" cried the ogre, impulsively.
"Piker!" ejaculated Jack, with a smile, as he drew his check for
$400,000,001.
"A billion and a half!" cried the ogre.
"Now you're beginning to get your pace," laughed Jack. "There's my
check, sir, for $1,500,000,001, according to specifications."
"That reduces your balance some, though," said the ogre.
"Yes," said Jack. "It reduces it by $1,900,000,002, leaving me with only
$3,573,574,999,998 on hand, but if I affix six ciphers to that, as I
will now proceed to do, I have, as the figures conclusively show,
$3,575,574,999,998,000,000, or about a squillion more than I had before
I began to draw."
[Illustration: THE OGRE COLLAPSED IN HIS CHAIR]
The ogre collapsed in his chair. The magnitude of these figures appalled
him.
"Great glory!" he cried. "I didn't know there was that much money in the
world. Can--can anybody work that book?"
"Anybody who comes by it honestly and without trickery," said Jack. "Of
course, if a man gets hold of it in an unscrupulous way, or goes back on
his bargain, it's as valueless to him as so much waste paper."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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