“That is nonsense,” replied Marien--“mere foolishness. You jealous!
jealous of a baby whom I knew when she wore white pinafores, who has
grown up under my very eyes? But, so far as I am concerned, she exists
no longer. She is not, she never will be in my eyes, a woman. I shall
think of her as playing with her doll, eating sugar-plums, and so on.”
Jacqueline grew faint. She shivered and leaned against the door-post.
“One would not suppose so, to judge by the picture with which she has
inspired you. You may say what you like, but I know that in all this
there was a set purpose to insult me.”
“Clotilde!”
“In the first place, on no pretext ought you to have been induced to
paint her portrait.”
“Do you think so? Consider, had I refused, the danger of awakening
suspicion? I accepted the commission most unwillingly, much put out
by it, as you may suppose. But you are making too much of an imaginary
fault. Consign the wretched picture to the barn, if you like. We will
never say another word about so foolish a matter. You promise me to
forget it, won’t you?... Dear! you will promise me?” he added, after a
pause.
Madame de Nailles sighed and replied: “If not she it will be some one
else. I am very unhappy.... I am weak and contemptible....”
“Clotilde!” replied Marien, in an accent that went to Jacqueline’s heart
like a knife.
She fancied that after this she heard the sound of a kiss, and, with
her cheeks aflame and her head burning, she rushed away. She understood
little of what she had overheard. She only realized that he had
given her up, that he had turned her into ridicule, that he had said
“Clotilde!” to her mother, that he had called her dear--she!--the woman
she had so adored, so venerated, her best friend, her father’s wife,
her mother by adoption! Everything in this world seemed to be giving
way under her feet. The world was full of falsehood and of treason, and
life, so bad, so cruel, was no longer what she had supposed it to be. It
had broken its promise to herself, it had made her bad--bad forever. She
loved no one, she believed in no one. She wished she were dead.
How she reached her own room in this state Jacqueline never knew. She
was aware at last of being on her knees beside her bed, with her face
hidden in the bed-clothes. She was biting them to stifle her desire to
scream. Her hands were clenched convulsively.
“Mamma!” she cried, “mamma!”
Was this a reproach addressed to her she had so long called by that
name? Or was it an appeal, vibrating with remorse, to her real mother,
so long forgotten in favor of this false idol, her rival, her enemy?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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