Undoubtedly, Jacqueline was too innocent, too ignorant to guess the real
truth from what she had overheard. But she had learned enough to be no
longer the pure-minded young girl of a few hours before. It seemed to
her as if a fetid swamp now lay before her, barring her entrance into
life. Vague as her perceptions were, this swamp before her seemed more
deep, more dark, more dreadful from uncertainty, and Jacqueline felt
that thenceforward she could make no step in life without risk
of falling into it. To whom now could she open her heart in
confidence--that heart bleeding and bruised as if it had been trampled
one as if some one had crushed it? The thing that she now knew was
not like her own little personal secrets, such as she had imprudently
confided to Fraulein Schult. The words that she had overheard she could
repeat to no one. She must carry them in her heart, like the barb of an
arrow in a secret wound, where they would fester and grow more painful
day by day.
“But, above all,” she said at length, rising from her knees, “let me
show proper pride.”
She bathed her fevered face in cold water, then she walked up to her
mirror. As she gazed at herself with a strange interest, trying to see
whether the entire change so suddenly accomplished in herself had left
its visible traces on her features, she seemed to see something in her
eyes that spoke of the clairvoyance of despair. She smiled at herself,
to see whether the new Jacqueline could play the part, which--whether
she would or not--was now assigned to her. What a sad smile it was!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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