Her stepmother and Marien! She could not understand what it meant. Must
she apply to them a dreadful word that she had picked up in the history
books, where it had been associated with such women as Margaret of
Burgundy, Isabeau of Bavaria, Anne Boleyn, and other princesses of very
evil reputation? She had looked it out in the dictionary, where the
meaning given was: “To be unfaithful to conjugal vows.” Even then she
could not understand precisely the meaning of adultery, and she
set herself to solve it during the long lonely days when she was
convalescent. When she was able to walk from one room to another, she
wandered in a loose dressing-gown, whose long, lank folds showed that
she had grown taller and thinner during her illness, into the room that
held the books, and went boldly up to the bookcase, the key of which
had been left in the lock, for everybody had entire confidence in
Jacqueline’s scrupulous honesty. Never before had she broken a promise;
she knew that a well-brought-up young girl ought to read only such
books as were put into her hands. The idea of taking a volume from those
shelves had no more occurred to her than the idea of taking money out of
somebody’s purse; that is, up to this moment it had not occurred to her
to do so; but now that she had lost all respect for those in authority
over her, Jacqueline considered herself released from any obligation
to obey them. She therefore made use of the first opportunity that
presented itself to take down a novel of George Sand, which she had
heard spoken of as a very dangerous book, not doubting it would throw
some light on the subject that absorbed her. But she shut up the volume
in a rage when she found that it had nothing but excuses to offer for
the fall of a married woman. After that, and guided only by chance, she
read a number of other novels, most of which were of antediluvian date,
thus accounting, she supposed, for their sentiments, which she found old
fashioned. We should be wrong, however, if we supposed that Jacqueline’s
crude judgment of these books had nothing in common with true criticism.
Her only object, however, in reading all this sentimental prose was to
discover, as formerly she had found in poetry, something that applied to
her own case; but she soon discovered that all the sentimental heroines
in the so-called bad books were persons who had had bad husbands;
besides, they were either widows or old women--at least thirty years
old! It was astounding! There was nothing--absolutely nothing--about
young girls, except instances in which they renounced their hopes of
happiness. What an injustice! Among these victims the two that most
attracted her sympathy were Madame de Camors and Renee Mauperin. But
what horrors surrounded them! What a varied assortment of deceptions,
treacheries, and mysteries, lay hidden under the outward decency and
respectability of what men called “the world!” Her young head became a
stage on which strange plays were acted.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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