What I shall say to Miss Jessup when I see her, I know not. I have
reason to believe her the author of many slanders, but look for no relief
from the mischiefs they have occasioned, in accusing or upbraiding the
slanderer. She has likewise disclosed many instances of guilty conduct,
which I supposed impossible to be discovered. I never concealed them from
Mrs. Talbot, to whom a thorough knowledge of my character was
indispensable; but I was unwilling to make any other my confessor. In this
I cannot suppose her motives to have been very benevolent; but, since she
adhered to the truth, it is not for me to arraign her motives.
May I not suspect that she had some hand in the forgery lately come to
light? A mind like hers must hate a successful rival. To persuade Talbot
of his wife's perfidy was at least to dissolve his alliance with another;
and since she took so much pains to gain his favour, even after his
marriage, is it not allowable to question the delicacy and
punctiliousness, at least, of her virtue?
Mrs. Fielder's aversion to me is chiefly founded on a knowledge of my
past errors. She thinks them too flagrant to be atoned for, and too
inveterate to be cured. I can never hope to subdue perfectly that
aversion, and, though Jane can never be happy without me, _I_ alone
cannot make her happy. On my own account, therefore, it is of little
moment what she believes. But her own happiness is deeply concerned in
clearing her daughter's character of this blackest of all stains.
Here is some one coming up the stairs towards my apartment. Surely it
cannot be to me that this visit is intended.
* * * * *
Good Heaven! What shall I do?
It was Molly that has just left me.
My heart sunk at her appearance. I had made up my mind to separate my
evil destiny from that of Jane, and could only portend new trials and
difficulties from the appearance of one whom I supposed her messenger.
The poor girl, as soon as she saw me, began to sob bitterly, and could
only exclaim, "Oh, sir! Oh, Mr. Colden!"
This behaviour was enough to terrify me. I trembled in every joint
while I faltered out, "I hope your mistress is well?"
After many efforts, I prevailed in gaining a distinct account of my
friend's situation. This good girl, by the sympathy she always expressed
in her mistress's fortunes, by her silent assiduities and constant proofs
of discretion and affection, had gained Mrs. Talbot's confidence; yet no
further than to indulge her feelings with less restraint in Molly's
presence than in that of any other person.
I learned that the night after Mrs. Fielder's arrival was spent by my
friend in sighs and restlessness. Molly lay in the same chamber, and her
affectionate heart was as much a stranger to repose as that of her
mistress. She frequently endeavoured to comfort Mrs. Talbot, but in
vain.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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