Into the innermost sanctuary of her religious life we can have no
desire and have no right to pry, but the outward manifestation of such
feeling is a common ground upon which all feet may tread. To complete
then the sketch of this dissenting maiden we may add that her sense of
duty, at all times clear and keen, was of that nature which loves the
harmony of perpetual details, small and numberless. Alice had her
little laws with regard to all things that she did, the making of a
pie-crust or the wearing of a gown--and this habit, almost unconscious
before the time of her conversion, she recognised now as the principle
of her life. A disposition by nature opposed to morbidness saved her
from dangers that might have been possible; although it must be owned
at the same time that these endless regulations were not always
convenient to others in the house. A life thus self-governed is mostly
solitary, but Alice had not the warmth that desires companionship; with
a truth and sincerity of nature that rendered her capable of friendship
she generally preferred to go on her way alone. She was thin, slender,
and quiet (to conclude her description with her portrait), and usually
dressed in some dark, sober gown; without being pretty she was not
inharmonious, and it was this sensation which satisfied those near her.
The villagers said that ‘t’ girl was well eno’, an’ a good girl too who
’ud do her duty well, but if you wanted a face as lads ’ud like there
was Thackbusk Annie was worth ten on her.’ There were a few lads,
however, as it seemed, who had found the daughter of the farmer fair
enough.
And now these two rivals, for once in unison, were close together in
Alice’s little room, whilst without pigeons fluttered, and the yard-boy
came and went, and the light of a sober noon-tide shone on the yard.
The girls were silent, but both were deeply moved, each indeed more
thrilled than she would have dared to say--Annie with a delirious sense
of pressing danger; Alice with a secret anxiety that affected her like
shame. Oh! why should she mind if Nat came to see Miss Gillan, and had
been engaged to do joining work for her?.... the Gillans they were a
bad lot, that they were; but it wasn’t the place o’ the boy to think o’
that. She should not mind--but it was not easy to forget that low
in her heart there stirred a secret pain, a fear for one who had been
an old companion, and who was yielding now to other influence than
hers. For Alice had played with Nat when they were children, had
reproved him for errors and tempers even then; and, although actually
by a few weeks his junior, had not tried to restrain a mother’s love
for him. A woman loves the position of a guardian; and such anxiety
tends to tenderness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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