Other changes were made, but not in the direction I desired. Like a
whirlpool, London was drawing us nearer and nearer to its depths, and
by the time I was twelve years of age we were nearly at the bottom of
the hill down which we had been steadily going. My clothes were very
much patched and mended now; all our furniture was sold, and we were
living in one room, which was rented to us ready furnished. The
knowledge of the struggle in which my mother was engaged loomed
gradually upon me, and distressed me in a vague manner. We were really
now in London, although not in the heart of the City; and my mother,
whose needle brought us bread and very little butter, often walked
four miles to the workshop, and four miles back, on a fruitless
errand. Things were getting worse and worse with us. My mother grew
thinner and paler, but she never looked at me without a smile on her
lips--a smile that was often sad, but always tender. At night, while
she worked, she taught me to read and write; there was no free school
near us, and she could not afford to pay for my learning. But no
schoolmaster could have taught me as well as she did. She had a thin,
sweet voice, and often when I was in bed I fell asleep with her
singing by my side. I used to love to lie thus peacefully with closed
eyes, and float into dreamland upon the wings of her sweet melodies. I
woke up sometimes late in the night, and saw her dear face bending
over her work. It was always meek and cheerful; I never saw anger or
bad passion in it.
'Mother,' I said one night, after I had lain and watched her for a
long time.
She gave a start. 'Dear child; I thought you were asleep.'
'So I have been; but I woke up, and I've been watching you for a long,
long time. Mother, when I am a man I shall work for you.'
'That's right, dear. You give me pleasure and delight. I know my good
boy will try to be a good man.'
'I will try to; as good as you are. I want to be like you. Could I not
work now, mother?'
'No, dear child; you are not strong enough yet.'
'I wish I could grow into a strong man in a night,' I thought.
My mother came to the bedside and rested her fingers upon my neck.
What tenderness dwells in a loving mother's touch! I imprisoned her
fingers in mine. She leant towards me caressingly and kissed me. Sleep
stole upon me in that kiss of love.
I saw a picture in a shop window of a girl whose bright fresh face
brought my mother's face before me. But the girl's face was full of
gladness, and her cheeks were glowing; my mother's cheeks were sunken
and wan. Still the likeness was unmistakably there, and I thought how
much I should love to see my mother as bright as this bright girl. I
spoke to her about it, and she went to see the picture, which was in
the next street to ours. She came back smiling.
'It _is_ like me, Chris,' she said; 'as I was once.'
'Then you must have been very, very pretty,' I said, stroking her
cheek.
My mother laughed melodiously.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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