Conduct of life -- Fiction; Fantasy fiction; Parables
She had been too old to face these sudden changes, was not made of the
stuff that endures, or not enduring, fights. So then this cloud had only
risen in mockery to sink the heavier. Where was Rosalie’s prayer of love
and thanksgiving?
The last week of her aunt’s illness was very strange and unreal to
Rosalie—strange and unreal when, after the second funeral within a year,
she sat alone in the little empty four-roomed storey.
Her hands, roughened, though not coarsened, by hard work, were clasped
between her knees. Her head had sunk forward on her breast, her open
eyes saw nothing.
Vaguely she hoped that she might be the next to go, thought of her
prayer for speech, and dashed the bitter tears from her dull eyes. What
of her prayer? Perhaps to the Serpent it sounded nothing more than
clamorous presumption and self-will.
Again she had been offered the shelter of the Home for Deaf and Dumb by
those who recognised her sad position. Was she ungrateful? Many poor
waifs there were, she knew, in that great city, with none to help them
to the scantiest food and shelter.
“I can’t believe you’re either kind or just, and I won’t pray to you any
more!” she cried inwardly, jumping up fiercely at last. “I wasn’t made
to be without a tongue. I wasn’t! I wasn’t! You haven’t the power to
give me one; that’s what it really is.”
But no bricks and mortar fell to punish such an outburst.
“What have I done that I should be left here alone?” she continued. “I
want to go along with aunt and uncle. You know I do. I can’t live here
alone.”
But there was no answer. Gradually a calmer spirit came over her,
together with a wish to find out that sphinx-like secret that wrapped
itself in icy silence.
“What’s the good of making me want to talk if you won’t let me?” she
asked.
Out of the vast silence a voice seemed to shape itself at last.
“Give up! Sacrifice!” it said.
It was such a very beautiful voice, and yet so very cold, that Rosalie
shrank from it. Sacrifice was such a heathenish thing! Besides, what was
there to sacrifice in the way of a tongue—she hadn’t got one, not a
serviceable one, at any rate.
“The Serpent’s will comes first with all believers,” cried the same
voice out of the silence.
“I wish we could agree,” said Rosalie, with no disrespect, and then fell
a-thinking.
Yes. After all, it came to the old, old thing. A clashing of wills—one
human, one divine—if such it could be called. And therein lay the only
sacrifice that God or the Serpent ever needed. It meant the sacrifice of
will.
Slowly and clearly the truth unfolded itself. If her faith were pure and
unselfish, she must be willing to give up longing and praying for that
which was beyond her, and still love and serve the Serpent even without
reward.
And to what path did her duty point? The thankful acceptance of a
shelter that was offered, a gentle surrender without bitterness into
God’s hands. An ending of a prayer He thought fit not to answer.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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