He grew calmer presently; some of the old sober strength of the man,
that had been shattered for the time, returned to him. The peace of the
night stole into his veins; he looked about him at the darkening world,
and up at the stars, and thought how small and poor a thing he was,
compared with all the worlds that took their calm and solemn ways about
him. He was but a unit in a great scheme of things; and on this very
earth he trod to-night other men in bygone years had trod their ways, of
joy or pain, weariness or hope; and so had gone down into the dust, as
he must go. It did not seem so bad, out here under the stars; it almost
seemed as though the man walked alone with his God, and understood.
But now, perhaps more than ever before in his life, he needed a woman.
It was a vague indefinite longing--some faint touch of the helplessness
of the man, alike in his birth and in his death. No mere child could be
of use to him in this hour; he wanted to touch the hand of a woman;
wanted to be sure of her, and to know, whoever she was, that she
understood. And there was no one to whom he could turn--no one strong
enough.
He avoided the house, save that he stood for a time at the gate, and
looked at the windows, and counted the lights; he knew what each light
meant, and knew who slept within. And only then for a moment did he turn
aside, and see that all the landscape danced and was misty before him.
He went on, with that indefinite feeling of what he wanted and could not
find.
He went on down into the succeeding valley beyond his own house; found
himself presently wandering disconsolately outside the house of the
Baffalls. And, the house of the Baffalls being a new one, was set close
to the road, with only a mere strip of ground between it and a new and
gaily painted railing. Half mechanically he glanced at the windows, and
saw a light, and was comforted; because here were friends.
On the other side of the lighted window a woman lay wakeful. That was
strange, because ordinarily speaking, as Mrs. Baffall herself expressed
it, she no sooner touched the pillow than she was off! But on this night
she lay thinking and listening; even the comfortable well-known presence
of Baffall by her side did not reassure her. In some way or other the
night held a mystery; someone seemed to be calling to her from out the
dark depths of it.
She had been thinking a great deal about Old Paul--for the motherly
heart of her, that never had been wakened to real motherhood, embraced
even him. She had been a little sorry for him--as for one who had not
quite made the best of things, or who had missed something to which he
should have attained. She had thought once--blushing prettily at the
thought--that she might have had such a son, of such an age, for
herself; for she and Baffall had married early, and that had been many
years ago. And to-night, for some hidden reason, she lay awake and
thought about him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account