A. Because private marriage is become as common as smuggling, and cuckolding no more thought of than for a man to ride a mile or two upon his neighbour’s mare: men get will and wale of wives; the best portion and properest person is preferred, the first left the weak to the worst; and she whom he does not love he puts away, and lies down with whom he pleases. Q. How will one know the bairns of our town by all others in the kingdom? A. By their ill-breeding and bad manners. Q. What is their ill-breeding and bad manners? A. If you ask them a question in civility, if it were but the road to the next town, they’ll tell you to follow your nose, and if you go wrong curse the guide. Q. Are young and old of them alike for ill breeding? A. All the odds lies in the difference, for if you ask a child to whom he belongs, or who is his father, he’ll bid you kiss his father’s arse and then you’ll ken. Q. What sort of creatures are kindliest when they meet? A. None can exceed the kindness of dogs when they meet in a market. Q. And what is collie’s conduct when there? A. First, they kiss other’s mouths and noses, smell all about, and last of all, they are so kind as to kiss each other below the tail. Q. What is the coldest part of a dog? A. His nose. Q. What is the coldest part of a man? A. His knees. Q. What is the coldest part of a woman? A. Her backside. Q. What is the reason that these three parts of men, women, and dogs are coldest? A. Fabulous Historians, says, that there were three little holes in Noah’s Ark; and that the dog stopt his nose in one, and the man put his knee in another, and into the third and biggest hole, the woman bang’d her backside: and these parts being exposed to the cold blast, is the cause which makes them cold ever since. Q. What remedy does the man take for to warm his cold knees? A. He holds them towards the fire, and when in bed, draws his shirt down over them. Q. What does the women do, to warm their cold part. A. The married women put their backsides into their husbands’ arms:--Virgins, and those going mad for marriage, their maidenhead keeps them warm:--old matrons, and whirl’d-o’er maidens, and widows bewitched, hold their coldest parts to the fire. Q. And what remedy does the poor dog take for his cold nose? A. He staps it below his tail, the hotest bit in his body. Q. What is the reason the dogs are worst on chapmen than on any other strangers?