John Cheap, the Chapman's Library. Vol. 1: Comic and Humorous: The Scottish Chap Literature of Last Century, ClassifiedGraham, Dougal
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John Cheap, the Chapman's Library. Vol. 1: Comic and Humorous: The Scottish Chap Literature of Last Century, Classified
Graham, Dougal
Chapbooks, Scottish; English literature -- 18th century; Graham, Dougal, 1724-1779; Popular literature -- Scotland
A man in Gotham, that did not love his wife, and she having fair
hair, he said divers times he would cut it off, but durst not do it
when she was awake, so he resolved to do it when she was asleep;
therefore, one night he took a pair of shears and put them under
his pillow, which his wife perceiving, said to her maid, go to bed
to my husband, to-night, for he intends to cut off my hair; let him
cut off thy hair, and I will give thee as good a kirtle as ever
thou didst see. The maid did so, and feigned herself asleep, which
the man perceiving, cut off her hair, wrapped it about the shears,
and, laying them under the pillow, fell asleep. The maid arose, and
the wife took the hair and shears, and went to the hall and burnt
the hair. The man had a fine horse that he loved, and the goodwife
went into the stable, cut off the hair of the horse’s tail, wrapped
the shears up in it, and laid them under the pillow again.--Her
husband, seeing her combing her head in the morning, marvelled
thereat. The girl, seeing her master in a deep study, said, What
ails the horse in the stable, he has lost his tail? The man ran
into the stable, and found the horse’s tail was cut off; then going
to the bed, he found the shears wrapped up in his horse’s tail. He
then went to his wife, saying, I crave thy mercy, for I intended
to cut off thy hair, but I have cut off my own horse’s tail. Yea,
said she, self do self have. Many men think to do a bad turn, but
it turneth oft times to themselves.
TALE XIII.
A man of Gotham laid his wife a wager that she could not make him
a cuckold. No! said she, but I can. Do not spare me, said he, but
do what you can. On a time she had hid all the spigots and faucets,
and going into the buttery, set a barrel of broach, and cried to
her spouse, Pray, bring me a spigot and faucet, or else the ale
will all run out. He sought up and down, but could not find one.
Come here then, said she, and put thy finger in the tap-hole. Then
she called a tailor with whom she made a bargain. Soon after she
came to her husband, and brought a spigot and a faucet, saying,
Pull thy finger out of the tap-hole, good cuckold. Beshrew your
heart for your trouble, said she, make no such bargain with me
again.
TALE XIV.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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