John Ingerfield, and Other StoriesJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
John Ingerfield, and Other Stories
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Short stories
Cheered by this breath of popularity, our little president endeavoured
to complete his introduction of the Signorina. He again repeated that
she was the world-renowned performer on the zithern; and, undeterred by
the audible remark of a lady in the pit to the effect that she’d “never
’eard on ’er,” added:
“She will now, ladies and gentlemen, with your kind permission, give
you examples of the—”
“Blow yer zither!” here cried out the gentleman who had started the
agitation; “we want Joss Jessop.”
This was the signal for much cheering and shrill whistling, in the
midst of which a wag with a piping voice suggested as a reason for the
favourite’s non-appearance that he had not been paid his last week’s
salary.
A temporary lull occurred at this point; and the chairman, seizing the
opportunity to complete his oft-impeded speech, suddenly remarked,
“songs of the Sunny South”; and immediately sat down and began
hammering upon the table.
Then Signora Ballatino, clothed in the costume of the Sunny South,
where clothes are less essential than in these colder climes, skipped
airily forward, and was most ungallantly greeted with a storm of groans
and hisses. Her beloved instrument was unfeelingly alluded to as a
pie-dish, and she was advised to take it back and get the penny on it.
The chairman, addressed by his Christian name of “Jimmee,” was told to
lie down and let her sing him to sleep. Every time she attempted to
start playing, shouts were raised for Joss.
At length the chairman, overcoming his evident disinclination to take
any sort of hand whatever in the game, rose and gently hinted at the
desirability of silence. The suggestion not meeting with any support,
he proceeded to adopt sterner measures. He addressed himself personally
to the ringleader of the rioters, the man who had first championed the
cause of the absent Joss. This person was a brawny individual, who,
judging from appearances, followed in his business hours the calling of
a coalheaver. “Yes, sir,” said the chairman, pointing a finger towards
him, where he sat in the front row of the gallery; “you, sir, in the
flannel shirt. I can see you. Will you allow this lady to give her
entertainment?”
“No,” answered he of the coalheaving profession, in stentorian tones.
“Then, sir,” said the little chairman, working himself up into a state
suggestive of Jove about to launch a thunderbolt—“then, sir, all I can
say is that you are no gentleman.”
This was a little too much, or rather a good deal too little, for the
Signora Ballatino. She had hitherto been standing in a meek attitude of
pathetic appeal, wearing a fixed smile of ineffable sweetness but she
evidently felt that she could go a bit farther than that herself, even
if she was a lady. Calling the chairman “an old messer,” and telling
him for Gawd’s sake to shut up if that was all he could do for his
living, she came down to the front, and took the case into her own
hands.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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