The question is of the highest interest, but as we have said, there is
no direct answer. It would be easy for each reader to supply the void by
reasoning out, according to his own prepossessions, what must have been,
or what ought to have been, the experience of such a man at such a time.
It would be easy--but unprofitable. Far better would it be could we
adduce from his own utterances evidence--indirect evidence even--that
the crisis which he declines to record really took place; and that the
great outward career was founded on a new personal life within. Now
there is such an utterance, which has been hitherto by no means
sufficiently recognised. It is 'a meditation or prayer, thrown forth of
my sorrowful heart and pronounced by my half-dead tongue,' on 12th
March, 1566, at a moment when Knox's cause was in extremity of danger.
Mary had joined the Catholic League and driven the Protestant Lords into
England, and their attempted counter-plot had failed by the defection of
Darnley. Knox had now before him certain exile and possible death, and
on the eve of leaving Edinburgh he sat down and wrote privately the
following personal confession. Five years later, when publishing his
last book, after the national victory but amid great public troubles, he
prefixed a preface explaining that he had already 'taken good-night at
the world and at all the fasherie of the same,' and henceforward wished
his brethren only to pray that God would 'put an end to my long and
painful battle.' And with this preface he now printed the old meditation
or confession of 1566. It is therefore autobiographical by a double
title. And it is made even more interesting by the striking rubric with
which the writer heads it.
JOHN KNOX, WITH DELIBERATE MIND, TO HIS GOD.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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