_Wife of your Bussum._ "OH, I DON'T WANT TO INTERRUPT YOU, DEAR. I ONLY WANT SOME MONEY FOR BABY'S SOCKS--AND TO KNOW WHETHER YOU WILL HAVE THE MUTTON COLD OR HASHED."] [Illustration: _A VERY VULGAR SUBJECT._ _William._ "HERE'S WISHIN' YOU GOOD 'EALTH, JIM, AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!" _James._ "THANK'YE, BILL, THANK'YE. I HAD OUGHT TO BE A HAPPY COVE--FOR I'VE GOT A WIFE AS CAN THRASH ANY MAN OF HER WEIGHT--AND I'VE GOT A CHILD OF TWO YEARS AND A ARF AS CAN EAT TWO POUNDS O' BEEFSTEAK AT A SITTING--LET ALONE OWNIN' THE SMALLEST BLACK AND TAN TERRIER IN THE WORLD!"] [Illustration: _A DELICIOUS SAIL--OFF DOVER._ _Old Lady._ "GOODNESS GRACIOUS, MR. BOATMAN! WHAT'S THAT?" _Stolid Boatman._ "THAT, MUM! NUTHUN, MUM. ONLY THE ARTILLERY A PRAC-_TI_-SIN', AND THAT'S ONE O' THE CANNON-BALLS WHAT'S JUST STRUCK THE WATER!!"] [Illustration: _THE ROUND HAT, LADEN WITH NOVELS, IN A STORM._ _Ancient Mariner._ "HOLD ON A BIT, MISS--I'LL TOW YOU OFF--YOU SHOULD NEVER CARRY SO MUCH SAIL IN A SOU-WESTER!"] [Illustration: _SNOW-FLAKES._--No. 1. _Street Boy (to his natural enemy, the Policeman)._ "SNOWBALLS, SIR! NO, SIR! I HAVEN'T SEEN NO ONE THROW NO SNOWBALLS, SIR!"] [Illustration: _SNOW-FLAKES._--No. 2. _Street Boy._ "HOH! SOOSANNER! DON'T YER CRY FOR ME! FOL DE ROL DE RIDDLE LOL! HERE'S A JOLLY SLIDE! CUT AWAY, YOUNG 'UN! IT'S ALL SERENE!"] [Illustration: _SNOW-FLAKES._--No. 3. _Playful Youth._ "PLEASE, SIR, I WASN'T A HEAVIN' AT YOU--I WAS HEAVIN' AT BILLY JONES."] [Illustration: _THE BIRTHDAY._ _Cousin Emily._ "AND SO IT'S LITTLE ALFRED'S BIRTHDAY TO-MORROW. NOW, WHAT WOULD HE LIKE BEST FOR A PRESENT?" _Alfred (after much reflection)._ "WHY, I THINK I SHOULD LIKE A--I SHOULD LIKE A TESTAMENT--AND--A--A--AND--OH, _I_ KNOW! I SHOULD LIKE A SQUIRT!!"] [Illustration: _DIVISION OF LABOUR._ _Sportsman (in Standing Beans)._ "WHERE TO NOW, JACK?" _Jack._ "WELL! LET'S SEE! I SHOULD JUST GO UP THE BEANS AGAIN, AND ACROSS THE TOP END, BEAT DOWN THE OTHER SIDE AND ROUND BY THE BOTTOM; WHILE YOU'RE THERE, GET OVER AND TRY OLD HAYCOCK'S STANDING OATS--HE WON'T MIND--I'LL STOP HERE AND MARK!"] [Illustration: _A HARD RIDER._ _Man on the Grey (who comes Express pace over the Stile, and cannons against two quiet riders)._ "BEG PARDON, GENTLEMEN, BUT MY HORSE HAS GOT _NO MOUTH_!"] [Illustration: _BON-BON FROM A JUVENILE PARTY._ _Doctor._ "AHEM! WELL! AND WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH MY YOUNG FRIEND ADOLPHUS?" _Fond Mother._ "WHY, HE'S NOT AT ALL THE THING, DOCTOR. HE WAS AT A JUVENILE PARTY LAST NIGHT, WHERE THERE WAS A TWELFTH CAKE; AND IT PAINS ME TO SAY, THAT BESIDES EATING A GREAT DEAL TOO MUCH OF THE CAKE, HE WAS IMPRUDENT ENOUGH TO EAT A HARLEQUIN AND A MAN ON HORSEBACK, AND, I AM SORRY TO ADD, A CUPID AND A BIRDCAGE FROM THE TOP OF IT!"] [Illustration: _KNOWLEDGE IS POWER._ _Tom._ "JACK! WHEREABOUTS IS AMSTID--AM?" _Jack._ "WELL, I CAN'T SAY EXACKERLY, BUT I KNOW IT'S SOMEWHERE NEAR AMSTID-EATH!"]