_Lovely Woman (to brute of a Husband)._ "GOOD GRACIOUS, WILLIAM--FAST ASLEEP! AND NOT DRESSED, I DECLARE! WHY IT'S NEARLY TWELVE O'CLOCK, AND THE BROUGHAM HAS BEEN WAITING THIS HALF-HOUR. GO AND GET READY THIS MOMENT, SIR!"] [Illustration: _TERRIBLE DOMESTIC INCIDENT._ "LAWK, JOHN! IF YOU HAVEN'T BIN AND LET MASTER'S LIBERY FIRE OUT AGAIN."] [Illustration: _FILLING UP THE CENSUS PAPER._ _Wife of his Bosom._ "UPON MY WORD, MR PEEWITT! IS THIS THE WAY YOU FILL UP YOUR CENSUS? SO YOU CALL YOURSELF THE 'HEAD OF THE FAMILY'--DO YOU--AND ME A FEMALE!"] [Illustration: _A SPORTING CHARACTER._ "ARE YOU GOING TO HASCOT, BILL?" "WHY, YES; I'M GOING TO CHAPERONG THIS YOUNG FEMALE DOWN BY THE RAIL."] [Illustration: _OUR FOREIGN VISITORS._ _Conductor._ "HOLD HARD, BILL! HERE'S A COUPLE MORE LEICESTER SQUARES A-COMIN'."] [Illustration: _TRUE RESPECTABILITY._ _First Costermonger._ "I WONDER A RESPECTABLE COVE LIKE YOU, BILL, CARRIES YOUR OWN COLLYFLOWERS; WHY DON'T YER KEEP A CARRIDGE LIKE MINE?" _Second Costermonger._ "WHY DON'T I KEEP A CARRIDGE? WHY, BECAUSE I DON'T CHOOSE TO WASTE MY HINCUM IN MERE SHOW AND FASHIONABLE DISPLAY!"] [Illustration: _THE OPERA._ _Box-Keeper._ "STALLS 216 AND 17. THIS WAY, MA'AM; LAST ROW, MA'AM. WON'T YOU LIKE A BOOK, MA'AM?"] [Illustration: _SEASONABLE QUESTION._ "DID YOU WANT YER DOOR SWEPT, MARM?"] [Illustration: _A BRITISH RUFFIAN._ _Lady._ "IF YOU ARE NOT SATISFIED WITH WHAT I HAVE GIVEN YOU, THERE'S A GENTLEMAN HERE WHO WILL SETTLE WITH YOU." _Cabman._ "NO, THERE _AIN'T_! THERE AIN'T _NO GENTLEMAN_ HERE!" _Lady._ "I TELL YOU THERE IS. THERE IS A GENTLEMAN IN THIS HOUSE." _Cabman._ "OH, NO, THERE AIN'T, _NOT IF HE BELONGS TO YOU!_"] [Illustration: _TURFITES._ "I SAY, OLD FELLOW, HOW DO YOU GO TO THE DERBY THIS YEAR?" "OH, THE OLD WAY--HAMPER AND FOUR."] [Illustration: _UNSEASONABLE SPORT._ _Wife (much startled)._ "GOOD GRACIOUS, REGINALD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT GUN?" _Reginald (who is very fond of shooting)._ "HUSH! HUSH! MY DEAR--I'VE KILLED TWO!" _Wife._ "MY GOODNESS! TWO WHAT?--THIEVES?" _Reginald._ "NO, DEAR. TWO OF THOSE CONFOUNDED RABBITS THAT ARE ALWAYS EATING THE VERBENA! THERE, GO TO SLEEP, DARLING--I'LL HAVE ANOTHER DIRECTLY."] [Illustration: _A YOUNG GENTLEMAN AND SCHOLAR._ _Fond Mother._ "WHY, HE DOESN'T WRITE VERY WELL YET, BUT HE GETS ON NICELY WITH HIS SPELLING. COME, ALEXANDER, WHAT DOES D. O. G. SPELL?" _Infant Prodigy (with extraordinary quickness)._ "CAT!"] [Illustration: "_THAT IS THE QUESTION._" IS WESKETS TO BE GENERALLY WORE THIS SUMMER?] [Illustration: _ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT._ _Dealer._ "THERE! HE AIN'T A 'ORSE MADE UP FOR SALE, HE'LL GO ON IMPROVIN' EVERY DAY YOU KEEP HIM--HE WILL."] [Illustration: _EASY SHAVING._] [Illustration: _ARITHMETIC IN THE UNIVERSITY._ "I SAY, FRANK, MY BOY--IF TROUNCER'S AT 5 TO 2, AND NUTSHELL AT 3 TO 1, WHAT'S THE BETTING AGAINST THE PAIR OF THEM!" "I'M SURE I DON'T KNOW--TAKE YOU 6 TO 1."]