_Chorus of Unprotected Females._ "CONDUCTOR! STOP! CONDUCTOR! OMNIBUS-MAN! HERE'S A GENTLEMAN HAD AN ACCIDENT AND BROKE A JAR OF LEECHES, AND THEY'RE ALL OVER THE OMNIBUS!"] [Illustration: _FANCY PORTRAIT._ THE INDIVIDUAL WHO SENDS A FIFTY-POUND NOTE FOR UNPAID INCOME-TAX TO THE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER.] [Illustration: _VERY FINE TALKING!_ "NOW, THEN, SIR, JUMP UP ON THE ROOF, AND LOOK SHARP, PLEASE, SIR, HERE'S T'OTHER BUS A-COMING."] [Illustration: _HOW TO SUIT THE TASTE._ _Waiter._ "GENT IN NO. 4 LIKES A HOLDER AND A THINNER WINE, DOES HE? I WONDER HOW HE'LL LIKE THIS BIN?"] [Illustration: _MAKING THE MOST OF IT._] [Illustration: _AN AFFAIR OF IMPORTANCE._ _Harriet._ "OH! I'M SO GLAD YOU ARE COME, BLANCHE! I'VE BEEN SO PERPLEXED I COULD SCARCELY SLEEP ALL NIGHT." _Blanche._ "WELL! WHAT IS IT, DEAR?" _Harriet._ "WHY, I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO HAVE MY NEW MERINO FROCK VIOLET OR DARK BLUE!"] [Illustration: _A LONDON GENT ABROAD._ _Scene--A Café in Paris._ _London Gent._ "GARCONG! TAS DE CORFEE!" _Garçon._ "BIEN, M'SIEU'--VOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ZEE 'TIMES'?" _London Gent._ "HANG THE FELLER! NOW, I WONDER HOW THE DOOSE HE FOUND OUT I WAS AN ENGLISHMAN!"] [Illustration: _ROMANCE AND REALITY._ _Beautiful Being (who is all soul)._ "HOW GRAND, HOW SOLEMN, DEAR FREDERICK, THIS IS! I REALLY THINK THE OCEAN IS MORE BEAUTIFUL UNDER THIS ASPECT THAN UNDER ANY OTHER!" _Frederick (who has about as much poetry in him as a Codfish)._ "HM--AH! YES. PER-WAPS. BY THE WAY, BLANCHE--THERE'S A FELLA SWIMPING. S'POSE WE ASK HIM IF HE CAN GET US SOME PWAWNS FOR BWEAKFAST TO-MOWAW MORNING?"] [Illustration: _SYMPTOMS OF WET WEATHER._ _Tom._ "HOLLO, SAM, WHAT THE JUICE ARE YOU CARRYING OF?" _Sam._ "'CLARISSA ARLO,' FOR MISSIS."] [Illustration: _PITY THE SORROWS OF THE POOR POLICE._ "LOR, SOOSAN! HOW'S A FELLER TO EAT MEAT SUCH WEATHER AS THIS? NOW, A BIT O' PICKLED SALMON AND COWCUMBER, OR A LOBSTER SALAD MIGHT DO."] [Illustration: _THE DERBY EPIDEMIC._ GENTLEMEN, OWING TO SUDDEN AND VERY SEVERE INDISPOSITION, I REGRET TO SAY THAT I SHALL NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND THE OFFICE TO-DAY. I HOPE, HOWEVER, TO BE ABLE TO RESUME MY DUTIES TO-MORROW. I AM, GENTLEMEN, YOURS VERY OBEDIENTLY, PHILIP COX.] [Illustration: _HOW TO GET RID OF A GRATIS PATIENT._ "SO YOU'VE TAKEN ALL YOUR STUFF, AND DON'T FEEL ANY BETTER, EH? WELL, THEN, WE MUST ALTER THE TREATMENT; YOU MUST GET YOUR HEAD SHAVED; AND IF YOU WILL CALL HERE TO-MORROW ABOUT ELEVEN, MY PUPIL HERE WILL PUT A SETON IN THE BACK OF YOUR NECK."] [Illustration: _THE FISH DINNER._ "THE WHITEBAIT SEEM VERY LARGE, WAITER?" "YES, SIR; VERY FINE AT PRESENT, SIR."] [Illustration: _A HIGHLAND GAME IN A LONDON STREET._ PORTRAIT OF THE BOY WHO WON THE PRIZE FOR "PUTTING A STONE" THROUGH A WINDOW.] [Illustration: _A QUIET WEED._ _Guard._ "SOME ONE BEEN SMOKING, I THINK?"