_Cousin._ "CHARLIE!--JUST FANCY WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING!" _Captain Charlie._ "WELL, GEORGIE!" _Cousin._ "THAT--THAT--YOU AND I ARE GOING--A--A--TO BE--MARRIED!" _Charlie_ (_with presence of mind_). "A--NEVER MIND, GEORGIE,--WE KNOW BETTER--WE ARE NOT SO FOOLISH!"] [Illustration: _AMPLE PROTECTION._ _Youth._ "YOU NEEDN'T BE AFRAID, MA'AM. STAND BEHIND ME!"] [Illustration: _JUST LIKE 'EM._ _Mamma_ (_staying with newly-married daughter_). "MY DEAREST, SWEETEST DARLING! WHAT! CRYING! WHY, WHAT'S THE MATTER?" _Daughter_ (_with many sobs_). "OH, M-M-M-MAMMA DEAR! HERE'S CH-CH-CH-CHARLES SO DREADFULLY UNKIND. HE KNOWS THE H-H-HORSE-TAMING SECRET, AND HE W-W-W-WON'T TELL IT TO ME!"] [Illustration: _RIVAL JOCKEYS._ _Bill_ (_reads_). "'GENTLEMEN RIDERS ALLOWED FIVE POUNDS.'" _Tom._ "'ALLOWED FIVE POUNDS!' WHY, I'D RIDE BETTER NOR HE FOR 'ARF A CROWN!"] [Illustration: _SYMPTOMS OF HARD READING!_ _Student._ "OH, MARY! HAVE YOU TAKEN UP THE LAMP AND THE CIGARS?" _Mary._ "YES, SIR." _Student._ "--AND THE WHISKEY, AND THE SUGAR, AND THE LEMON, AND BOILING WATER?" _Mary._ "YES, SIR." _Student._ "THEN COME, JACK! SUPPOSE WE GO INTO THE STUDY!"] [Illustration: _REPELLING FOREIGN INVASION._ PATERFAMILIAS TRIES THE COLD WATER CURE IN A CASE OF ORGAN-GRINDING.] [Illustration: _ANOTHER BIT FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS._ _First Collier._ "SURREY, DUST THEE KNOW THE BISHOP'S COMING TO-MORROW?" _Second Do._ "WOT'S THAT?" _First Do._ (_emphatically_). "THE BISHOP!" _Second Do._ "OI DON'T KNOW WHAT THEE MEAN'ST, BUT MOY BITCH, ROSE, SHALL PIN HER!"] [Illustration: _CANINE._ "BUY A LITTLE DORG, MARM?"] [Illustration: _WHERE ARE THE POLICE?_ A SKETCH, SHOWING THE DECENT MANNER IN WHICH THE "FORM OF PRAYER" WAS RETAILED ON THE FAST DAY.] [Illustration: _COARSE, BUT CHARACTERISTIC._ _Cabman_ (_whose temper has been ruffled by Omnibus-man_). "YOU!! WHY, YOU HUNGRY LOOKING WAGABUN, YOU LOOK AS IF YOU'D BIN LOCKED UP FOR A MONTH IN A COOK'S SHOP WITH A MUZZLE ON."] [Illustration: _THE GREAT BOON._ _Superior Being (!)._ "YOU'LL PLEASE TO OBSERVE, MUM, THAT A DIWORCE IS A MUCH EASIER MATTER THAN IT USED TO BE--SO NONE OF YOUR VIOLENCE!"] [Illustration: _A VISION OF THE PAST._ _Old Lady._ "AH! I WAS JUST SUCH ANOTHER WHEN I WAS HER AGE."] [Illustration: _FOLLY AND INNOCENCE._ _Charles._ "I SAY, CLARA, AIN'T IT JOLLY? I'VE MADE SUCH A CAPITAL BOOK ON THE DERBY!" _Clara._ "I AM SURE, CHARLES, I AM DELIGHTED TO HEAR IT. ANY LITERARY PURSUIT MUST BE BETTER THAN THE HORRID PRACTICE YOU WERE GETTING INTO OF BETTING AT RACES!"] [Illustration: _IRRESISTIBLE._ _John Thomas._ "GET AWAY, BOY--GET AWAY, BOY!" _Boy._ "SHAN'T! AND IF YER DON'T LET ME RIDE, I'LL SEND THIS 'ERE MUD OVER YER CALVES!"] [Illustration: _DRAWING THE LINE._