_Emily._ "OH, NONSENSE, FREDERICK!--DON'T TELL ME! I JUDGE BY DEEDS, NOT WORDS; AND I AM SURE YOU CANNOT REALLY LOVE ME, OR YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE GIVEN THAT HORRID MISS CLAPPERTON THE WING OF THE CHICKEN, AND ME THE LEG. BESIDES, YOU HANDED THE STRAWBERRIES FIRST TO FLORA GIGGLES, AND YOU KNOW HOW I HATE HER."] [Illustration: _A SKETCH DURING THE RECENT GALE._] [Illustration: _TERRIFIC ACCIDENT._ BURSTING OF OLD MRS. TWADDLE'S AQUA-VIVARIUM. THE OLD LADY MAY BE OBSERVED ENDEAVOURING TO PICK UP HER FAVOURITE EEL WITH THE TONGS, A WORK REQUIRING SOME ADDRESS.] [Illustration: _THE MARRIAGE QUESTION._ _Lady Flora._ "FOUR-IN-HAND CLUB, INDEED! FOR MY PART, I THINK YOUNG MEN OF FORTUNE MIGHT EMPLOY THEIR TIME MUCH BETTER THAN DRIVING HORSES TO GREENWICH! DON'T YOU, ALICE?" _Alice_ (_with a tremendous sigh_). "OH, YES! DEAR!" ] MR. PUNCH'S ADVICE TO HOUSEKEEPERS. [Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. I. FOR EXAMPLE:--BY GETTING UP AT DAY-BREAK, CLEANING OUT YOUR STABLE, AND TAKING THE HORSES OUT FOR EXERCISE, YOU WILL ACCOMPLISH YOUR OBJECT.] [Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. II. AND----ENABLE THE GROOMS TO GET THEIR BREAKFAST COMFORTABLY, AND SO KEEP THEM IN GOOD HUMOUR FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.] [Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. III. HAVING THOROUGHLY DRESSED AND FED THE HORSES, YOU HAD BETTER SET TO WORK UPON THE BOOTS OF THE ESTABLISHMENT. THE KNIVES, AS YOU HAVE A MACHINE, YOU MAY AS WELL DO. AND, WHILE YOUR HANDS ARE SOILED, YOU HAD BETTER HELP ALPHONSO TO CARRY UP SOME COALS.] [Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. IV. THERE CAN BE NO REASON WHY THE GIRLS SHOULDN'T DRESS THEMSELVES, THAT PARKER THE MAID MAY GO TO HER DANCING.] [Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. V. AS FOR JOHN THOMAS, THE BEST PLAN, OF COURSE, IS TO WAIT UPON _HIM_, AND THEN, PERHAPS (ALTHOUGH IT BY NO MEANS FOLLOWS), HE MAY BE SATISFIED! [_As most Domestics are fond of the Organ-grinders, you had better engage one of an evening for their amusement._ ] [Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. VI. IT IS CERTAINLY BETTER TO MIND THE BROUGHAM YOURSELF, ESPECIALLY IN FOGGY WEATHER, AS, IN CONSEQUENCE OF ROBERT'S UNFORTUNATE PROPENSITY, YOUR FAMILY ARE ALWAYS MORE OR LESS IN DANGER WHEN RETURNING FROM THE THEATRE. ] [Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. VII. NEVER DISTURB THE MAIDS IN THE MORNING, BUT JUMP OUT OF BED THE MOMENT YOU HEAR THE SWEEP, AND LET HIM IN; IT ISN'T MUCH TROUBLE, AND SAVES A WORLD OF GRUMBLING.] [Illustration: _DOMESTIC DOCTORING._ FOR A COLD IN THE HEAD THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A STEAM BATH, AND THIS CAN BE HAD IN YOUR OWN BEDROOM WITH THE GREATEST EASE--YOU HAVE ONLY TO----] [Illustration: TAKE CARE THAT YOU MANAGE THE APPARATUS PROPERLY.] [Illustration: "_WHERE IGNORANCE IS BLISS, 'TIS FOLLY TO BE WISE!_" (_New Version._)