"I SAY, JIM, VOT'S A PANIC?" "BLOW'D IF I KNOW; BUT THERE'S VON TO BE SEEN IN THE CITY."] [Illustration: _A PRETTY KETTLE OF FISH._ _Puseyite Parson._ "WHAT! WANT TO LEAVE YOUR SITUATION! WHY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE PERFECTLY SATISFIED!" _Cook._ "WELL, SIR, THE FACT IS, I AIN'T EQUAL TO THEM FAST DAYS; FOR WHAT WITH A HEGG HERE, AND A HEGG THERE, AND LITTLE BITS O' FISH FOR BREAKFASTES, AND LITTLE BITS O' FISH FOR DINNERS, AND THE SWEET OMELICKS, AND THE FRIED AND THE STEWED HOYSTERS, AND THE BASHAWED LOBSTERSES, AND ONE THINK AND THE HOTHER, THERE'S SO MUCH COOKING, THAT I AIN'T EVEN TIME TO MAKE UP A CAP!"] [Illustration: _CATCHING A TARTAR._ _Irritable Old Gentleman_ (_giving Conductor a tremendous poke in the ribs_). "HOLLO, THERE! STOP! WHAT THE D * * * * CONFOUND YOU, DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO STOP AT ACACIA VILLA?" _Extremely Civil Conductor._ "DEAR ME, SO YOU DID, SIR--BEG YOUR PARDON, I'M SURE, SIR, BUT I REALLY QUITE FORGOT IT." _Irritable Old Gentleman._ "D-D-DON'T BEG MY PARDON, YOU IMPUDENT SCOUNDREL!--IF YOU GIVE ME ANY OF YOUR BAD LANGUAGE, I'LL HAVE YOU UP AS SURE AS YOU'RE BORN."] [Illustration: _TOUCHING._ _Groom_ (_to Old Coachman_). "WHY, GUV'NR, WHAT HEVER'S THE MATTER?" _Old Coachman_ (_sobbing_). "AH, WILLIAM! MOST AFFECTIN' SIGHT! I'VE JUST SEEN THE FOUR-IN-HAND CLUB GOING DOWN TO GREENWICH! TEN ON 'EM! BEAUTIFUL TEAMS! AND DRIVEN BY REG'LAR TIP-TOP SWELLS! IT'S BIN A'MOST TOO MUCH FOR ME!" [_Is relieved by tears._ ] [Illustration: _FLUNKEIANA._ _John Thomas._ "YES, I MUST LEAVE. YOU SEE, MARY, MY DEAR--THERE'S TOO MUCH RED IN THE LIVERY, AND THAT DON'T SUIT MY COMPLEXION--NEVER DID!"] [Illustration: _MEASURE FOR MEASURE._ "THIS IS ABOUT THE MARK, I THINK."] [Illustration: _IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FLATTERY._ _Sarah Jane To Betsy Ann._ "OH, YES! IF IT COMES TO THAT, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE CAN STICK OUT AS MUCH AS OTHER PEOPLE--I ALWAYS WEARS ONE O' MOTHER'S OLD CLOTHES-BASKETS."] [Illustration: _MALAPROPOS._ _Swell_ (_loq._). "IN FACT, I'M QUITE USED UP--AND IF I DON'T VERY SOON GET TO SOME WATERING PLACE, I SHALL BE A--A--" [_Cartman pulls string--Grand display of the whole system of Fountains._ ] [Illustration: "_AN ART THAT DOTH DISFIGURE NATURE._" MR. BELVILLE DE COURCY WALKS ON THE ESPLANADE, UNDER THE IDEA THAT HE IS CREATING NO END OF SENSATION IN A CERTAIN DRAWING-ROOM. ALAS! HE LITTLE KNOWS, THAT OWING TO THE VERY INFERIOR QUALITY OF THE GLASS IN THAT DRAWING-ROOM WINDOW, HIS SPLENDID FIGURE IS DISTORTED AS ABOVE.] [Illustration: _ON THE JETTY._ YES, MY DEARS; I KNOW THE SEA-BREEZE AFTER BATHING IS BENEFICIAL TO THE BACK HAIR;--BUT CONSIDER THE HEART OF YOUR TOO SUSCEPTIBLE PUNCH!] [Illustration: _A WATER ABSTAINER._ _Disgusting Boy._ "I SAY, CLARA!--I'M SO JOLLY GLAD, I AM. DO YOU KNOW, ALL THE PIPES ARE FROZE, AND WE SHAN'T BE ABLE TO HAVE ANY OF THAT HORRID WASHING THESE COLD MORNINGS!--AIN'T IT PRIME!" [_Sensation._ ] [Illustration: _A MORAL LESSON FROM THE NURSERY._