_Landlady._ "YES, SIR, THE BOARD WERE CERTINGLY TO BE A GUINEA A WEEK, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW AS YOU WAS A-GOING TO BATHE IN THE SEA BEFORE BREAKFAST, AND TAKE BOTTLES OF TONIC DURING THE DAY!"] [Illustration: _THE COLLAR MANIA._ NEAT AND APPROPRIATE ORNAMENT FOR A GENT'S ALL-ROUNDER.] [Illustration: _THE LINGUIST._ _Archy._ "I SAY, JESSIE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND FRENCH?" _Jessie._ "A LITTLE--DO YOU?" _Archy._ "OH, YES--I UNDERSTAND IT VERY WELL; BECAUSE, WHEN PA AND MA TALK FRENCH, I KNOW I'M GOING TO HAVE A POWDER!"] [Illustration: _THE EXHAUSTED STUDENT._ _Fond Parent._ "BLESS HIS HEART--ALWAYS STUDYING! READ HIMSELF ASLEEP--GEOGRAPHY NOW, OR SOMETHING OF THAT SORT, I'LL BE BOUND?" (_No! It's the Cookery Book._)] [Illustration: _MISTAKING A TITLE._ _Constance (literary)._ "HAVE YOU READ THIS ACCOUNT OF 'THE MILL ON THE FLOSS,' DEAR?" _Edith (literal)._ "NO, INDEED, I HAVE NOT; AND I WONDER THAT YOU CAN FIND ANYTHING TO INTEREST YOU IN THE DESCRIPTION OF A DISGUSTING PRIZE-FIGHT!"] [Illustration: _VAULTING AMBITION._ "NOW THEN, CHARITY--HIGHER! YOU DON'T CALL THAT A BACK!"] [Illustration: _PRIVATE THEATRICALS.--THE MOUSTACHES._ _Lady B. (a wicked Marquis)._ "BUT HAVE YOU MADE ME FIERCE ENOUGH, CHARLES?" _Charles._ "FIERCE!--FEROCIOUS!"] [Illustration: _EXPRESS._ _Old Gent._ "THIS OSCILLATION IS VERY UNUSUAL, SIR, ISN'T IT? WE SEEM TO BE GOING A TREMENDOUS PACE!" _Swell._ "AW--YA--AS! THEY'RE MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME. I'VE JUST TIMED 'EM, AND WE'VE DONE THE LAST NINE MILES IN SIX MINUTES AND A HALF. HAVE A SMASH, PRESENTLY, AW--THINK!"] [Illustration: _A SOU'-WESTER IN A SEA-SIDE LODGING-HOUSE._] [Illustration: _THE SPOON-SHAPED BONNET._] [Illustration: _A SHOCKING YOUNG LADY, INDEED!_ _Emily (betrothed to Charles)._ "OH, CHARLES, ISN'T IT FUN? I'VE BEATEN ARTHUR AND JULIA, AND I'VE BROKE AUNT SALLY'S NOSE SEVEN TIMES!"] [Illustration: _USEFUL APPLIANCES._ "WIGGLES AND SPROTT PREFER BATHING FROM THE BEACH TO HAVING A STUFFY MACHINE. THEY ARE MUCH PLEASED WITH THE DELICATE LITTLE ATTENTION INDICATED ABOVE!"] [Illustration: _ON THE WAY TO PARADE._ _Brown (loq.)._ "CALL THIS PLAYING AT SOLDIERS, INDEED! I'D MUCH RATHER BE BEFORE 'A HOT FIRE,' I KNOW!" (_Nevertheless, Brown sticks to his duty like a man._)] [Illustration: _JOHN TOMKINS AND 'ARRY BLOATER._ _'Arry (in the Boots of the Period)._ "YES, THEY'RE DOOCED COMFORTABLE, AND THEY GIVE ONE A MILITARY AND RATHER SPORTING APPEARANCE, I FANCY."] [Illustration: _A DIP IN FRENCH WATERS._ _Jones (to Old Woman)._ "COM, SAR--WHAT DO YOU MEAN?--AM I TO BE LED DOWN LIKE THAT FOR A QUARTER OF A MILE?"] [Illustration: _SCENE--A CERTAIN GAY WATERING-PLACE._ _First Irresistible (on hack)._ "ULLO, 'ARRY! WHY, WHAT HAS BROUGHT YOU HERE?" _Second Ditto._ "WHY, YER SEE, BILL, I'M PRECIOUS SICK OF WORKING FOR MY LIVING, SO I'VE COME HERE TO PICK UP AN _'AIRESS_!"] [Illustration: _THE LATEST IMPROVEMENT_