_Young Swell (loq.)._ "I SAY, THOMPSON, DO YOU THINK I SHALL EVER HAVE ANY WHISKERS?" _Thompson (after careful examination)._ "WELL, SIR, I REALLY DON'T THINK AS YOU EVER WILL--LEASTWAYS NOT TO SPEAK OF!" _Young Swell._ "THAT'S RATHER HARD, FOR MY PAP--I MEAN GOVERNOR--HAS PLENTY!" _Thompson (facetiously)._ "YES, SIR,--BUT P'R'APS YOU TAKE AFTER YOUR MA!" (_Total collapse of Y. S._)] [Illustration: _SEA-FISHING._ _Boatman._ "DON'T YER FEEL ANYTHINK YET, SIR? P'RAPS YOU'D BETTER TRY ANOTHER WORM."] [Illustration: _PROFESSIONAL._ _Mrs. Tongs._ "LOR, ADOLPHUS! HOW BEAUTIFUL THOSE BEANS SMELL." _Adolphus (probably in the hair-cutting line)._ "THEY DO, INDEED, MY LOVE! THEY REMIND ONE OF THE MOST DELICIOUS 'AIR OIL!"] [Illustration: _ONE NIGHT FROM HOME._ _Wife (to Unreasonable Monster)._ "IT'S OF NO USE, GEORGE, YOUR SAYING, 'HANG IT, MARIA;' I MUST HAVE SOME PLACE TO PUT MY THINGS!"] [Illustration: _THE VOLUNTEER REVIEW._ _Policeman (who, we are bound to say, is extremely civil)._ "WHITE TICKET, MA'AM? LETTER H?--YES, MA'AM. QUITE RIGHT. OVER THE HURDLES, IF YOU PLEASE!"] [Illustration: _A SKETCH IN ST. JAMES'S STREET._ _Odious Juvenile._ "OH, LOOK YE 'ERE, BILL, 'ERE'S A VOLUNTEER CORPSE FOR YER!"] [Illustration: _MAKING THE BEST OF IT._ _Irate Proctor._ "SIR, I SENT YOU BACK TO YOUR COLLEGE ONLY FIVE MINUTES AGO, TO INVEST YOURSELF IN YOUR ACADEMICAL COSTUME!" _Fast Freshman (with affability)._ "YES! AND HERE WE ARE AGAIN! ISN'T IT ODD?"] [Illustration: _A FACETIOUS INFERENCE._ _Sarcastic Peeler._ "GOING TO 'AVE A NEW 'ORSE, THEN, CABBY?" _Cabby._ "NEW 'OSS! 'OW DY'E MEAN?" _Sarcastic Peeler._ "WHY, YOU'VE GOT THE FRAMEWORK TOGETHER ALREADY!"] [Illustration: _UNEXPECTED BLISS._ _Swell (dressing)._ "HURRAH!! BY JOVE, THERE'S A BUTTON AT THE BACK OF MY SHIRT!!!"] [Illustration: _TOO CLEVER BY HALF!_ _First Boy._ "ARE YOU IN A HURRY WITH THAT LETTER, BILL?" _Second Ditto._ "YES. IT'S TO BE DELIVERED IMMEDIATELY, AND I'M TO WAIT." _First Boy._ "WELL! WAIT HERE, AND HAVE A GAME AT PITCH AND TOSS, AND DELIVER IT IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARDS."] [Illustration: _THE CROSSING-SWEEPER NUISANCE._] [Illustration: _A SERIOUS DRAWBACK._ _Hideous Old Lady of Fashion (with Plain Daughter)._ "CHARMING BALL AT SIR CHARLES'S LAST NIGHT! EVERYBODY THERE--GOOD ROOMS, NOT OVER-CROWDED--CAPITAL SUPPER! DEAREST BARBARA ENJOYED HERSELF PRODIGIOUSLY! I DON'T SEE, HOWEVER, HOW I CAN WELL AVOID ASKING _HIS_ SISTER AND NIECE TO _MY_ BALL, NEXT WEEK, HE IS SO FOND OF THEM; AND YET YOU KNOW THAT THEY ARE PEOPLE WHO DO NOT GO OUT NEARLY AS MUCH AS WE DO, AND ARE NOT AT ALL IN OUR POSITION IN SOCIETY!"] [Illustration: _A TU QUOQUE._ _Sunday-School Teacher._ "OH, JOHNNY, I'M SHOCKED TO SEE YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR TOP. YOU SHOULD LEAVE YOUR TOYS AT HOME ON A SUNDAY!" _Johnny (quick, but impudent)._ "THEN WHY DO YOU COME OUT WITH YOUR HOOP?"] [Illustration: _LADY AUDLEY'S SECRET._] [Illustration: _A HOPEFUL PROSPECT._