Butter spreads itself freely during this month. Snakes slip eazy, and Cupid crawls behind the shadder ov a dieing roze, and shutes hiz gun at the galls, and boys. _THINGS WORTH KNOWING._ Tew milk a kicking cow, stand oph about 10 foot, and holler "_So I_ darn you." * * * * * Tew make light bread, do az the bakers do,--call 9 ounces a pound. * * * * * Tew make oxtale soup, bile an ox in a pot, and let the caudel continuation hang over the edge ov the pot and drip. * * * * * Tew git at the solid kontents ov yure wife's tongue, be verry sweet with the new skool mom in yure distrikt. * * * * * Tew break a mule--commence at his head. 31 Days. AUGUST. 1870. Q.--What iz the capacity ov an omnibus? @ @ A.--The same az a grave yard, it takes all that cums. @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ [Illustration] _Now chop doun oats. And hew doun barley, Rize with the sun, And go tew bed arly._ +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ |@ | @ || _Prognostix._ | _STUB ENDS._ | +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ | 1| M || @ Expekt pack @ | | | 2| T || pedlers @ @ _dry_ | A lie iz like a kat, it never | | 3| W || _and hot_ @ ice | cums tew yu in a straight line. | | 4| T || @ iz trumps @ | | | 5| F || _great drouth_ @ | * * * * * | | 6| S || auctioneers @ @ | | | 7| G || @ dry @ | The longest lived thing i kno | | 8| M || @ up @ Don' | ov, iz a nikname. | | 9| T || Quixot fights @ | | |10| W || a wind mill @ @ | * * * * * | |11| T || 1342 @ gits | | |12| F || whipped the @ | | |13| S || @ fust round | Most men go through life az | |14| G || @ honesty @ | rivers go tew the sea, bi following | |15| M || iz the best @ | the lay ov the ground. | |16| T || policy @ better | | |17| W || @ than a life @ | * * * * * | |18| T || @ insurance | | |19| F || policy @ @ _uncommon_ | | |20| S || @ _hot_ @ rag dolls | If I had a mule who wouldn't | |21| G || perspire freely @ | neither kick, nor bite, i should | |22| M || _rain with thunder_ * *| watch him dredful cluss till i | |23| T || @ _heat increases_ | found out whare hiz malice did | |24| W || @ _thermometors bile_ | lie.