For a red hot speciality, yu hav got to hunt kreashun cluss, to find an equal, to the kuntry hoss jockey. He iz allwuss a man ov plezant temperament, vain ov hiz opinyuns, often ov more fancy than judgement, and quik to decide. He haz but little real affecksun for a hoss, and only luvs him, for the cheat that iz in him. He iz allwuss reddy to trade for enny thing, from a yerling kolt, to the kavalry hoss that Gen Butler rode, at the battle ov Brandywine. He never knows when he gits cheated, and ever thinks, that the last nag he got, iz the best one he ever owned. He iz not bothered with too mutch conscience, and would az soon lay out a travelling preacher in a swop, az hiz own father-in-law, and do it without enny malice, but just for the honor ov the profeshun. I dont kno whi it iz, that a man kan trade cows and be pious, or swop oxen, and be a good deakon, or even negoshiate dogs, and be lookt upon favourably, but when he goes into the hoss trading enterprize, if he kant cheat, he haz mistaken hiz calling, and aint happy. The hoss jockey iz sumtimes honest from policy, and the man who iz simply honest from policy, needs az mutch watching az a hive ov bees do, who are just gitting reddy to swarm. _DISKOUNT._ If yu want to find out the utter weakness ov munny, just try to hire a dubble tooth to stop akeing. * * * * * A boy will learn to sware well, in just haff the time it takes to learn the 10 commands. 31 Days. DECEMBER. 1876. Q.--What iz a fiddle? @ @ @ A.--A ticklish thing. @ @ @ [Illustration] _John kept growing wusser and wuss, Thinner, and thinner each day, At last he waz nothing but mist, And an East wind blu him away._