LXVIII. IS DISPOSING OF THINGS FOR CHARITABLE PURPOSES BI "LOT" A SIN. 191 LXIX. ADVERTIZEMENT. 193 LXX. OUT WEST. 196 LXXI. SAYINS. 198 LXXII. A WIMMIN'S LEAGUE MEETIN. 200 LXXIII. A TRUE FISH STORY FOUNDED ON FAK. 203 LXXIV. AT SARATOGA SPRINGS. 205 LXXV. SPIRITUAL BELIEF OV THE BILLINGSES. 208 LXXVI. JOSH BILLINGS CORRESPONDS WITH A "HAIR OIL AND VEGETABLE BITTERS MAN." 209 LXXVII. PROVERBS. 213 LXXVIII. DOMESTIK RECEIPTS IN FULL. 216 LXXIX. FAKS. 218 LXXX. ON LECTURES. 219 LXXXI. YANKEE NOSHUNS. 222 LXXXII. ATTENTION! SQUAD! 224 LXXXIII. THE FUST BABY. 226 LXXXIV. LAUGHING. 228 LXXXV. PIONEERS. 229 JOSH BILLINGS. I. JOSH BILLINGS ON THE MULE. The mule is haf hoss, and haf Jackass, and then kums tu a full stop, natur diskovering her mistake. Tha weigh more, akordin tu their heft, than enny other kreetur, except a crowbar. Tha kant hear enny quicker, nor further than the hoss, yet their ears are big enuff for snow shoes. You kan trust them with enny one whose life aint worth enny more than the mules. The only wa tu keep them into a paster, is tu turn them into a medder jineing, and let them jump out. Tha are reddy for use, just as soon as they will du tu abuse. Tha haint got enny friends, and will live on huckel berry brush, with an ockasional chanse at Kanada thissels. Tha are a modern invenshun, i dont think the Bible deludes tu them at tall. Tha sel for more money than enny other domestik animile. Yu kant tell their age by looking into their mouth, enny more than you kould a Mexican cannons. Tha never hav no dissease that a good club wont heal. If tha ever die tha must kum rite tu life agin, for i never herd nobody sa "ded mule." Tha are like sum men, very korrupt at harte; ive known them tu be good mules for 6 months, just tu git a good chanse to kick sumbody. I never owned one, nor never mean to, unless there is a United Staits law passed, requiring it. The only reason why tha are pashunt, is bekause tha are ashamed ov themselfs. I have seen eddikated mules in a sirkus. Tha kould kick, and bite, tremenjis. I would not sa what I am forced tu sa again the mule, if his birth want an outrage, and man want tu blame for it.