Court a gal for fun, for the luv yu bear her, for the vartue and bissness thare is in her; court her for a wife and for a mother, court her as yu wud court a farm--for the strength ov the sile and the parfeckshun ov the title; court her as tho she want a fule, and yu a nuther; court her in the kitchen, in the parlor, over the wash-tub, and at the pianner; court this wa, yung man, and if yu don't git a good wife and she don't git a good hustband, the falt won't be in the courting. Yung man, yu kan rely upon Josh Billings, and if yu kant make these rules wurk jist send for him and he will sho yu how the thing is did, and it shant kost yu a cent. LI. REMARKS. Piety iz a good kind ov dissease for a man tew hav, but when he has so mutch ov it that he has tew go behind the door on Sunday to drink his whiskee, it will dew tew watch him the rest of the week. Menny think tha luv their husbands almost tew deth, when in fack, tha are only jealous ov them. Thoze familys who are really fust class, never are afraid that tha shall git cheated out ov their respektability, while the codfish familys are alwus nervous lest tha mite. The onla sure resipee tew govern mankind with, iz the rod; yu ma festoon it with flowers and case it with velvet, if yu pleze, but it iz the rod, after all, that duz the bizzness. I kant conseive a more despikable opjek than a proud and arrogant man; he makes me think ov an old Tom Turkey trieing tew git mad at a red flannel pettycoat on a clothes line. It iz not onla highly natral tew luv the femail sek, but 'tis highly pleasant. Verry few people enjoy munny, bekauze tha kant git enuff ov it. We are told that a contented man is happy, and we mite hav bin told, at the same, that a mudturkle could fly if it onla had wings. It wont dew tew stir up a man when he is thinking, enny more than it will a pan ov milk when the cream is rising. Thare is one time when awl men are comparitiffly pure, and that is when tha are in luv. Humbolt was a man ov verry high attainments. It iz eazy enuff tew raize the devil, but he iz a hard crop tew reap. It appears tew me that a poor story iz a good deal like a grist, the oftner it iz told, the less thare iz ov it; but then, perhaps, i am mistaken. I hav bin told that _swine Lager_ iz the Dutch for root beer. LII. THE FAULT-FINDER.