_Then_, they drank moderately ov water and brandy; _now_, they smile aquafortiss, and suk sweet scented turpentine, thru a quill. _Then_, if circumstancis made it imperativ, they closed their bissiness, by affekting an honarabil compromise; _now_, they "cave in," "squeal," or "absquat." _Then_, kontrary opinyuns were okassionally supported with reasonabel wagers; _now_, every man "bets his pile," or "bottom Dollar." _Then_, they went a mile in forti-two, with an easy rein; _now_, in 2 forti, under a strong pull. _Then_, most familys held from 6 to 10 healthy children, within its hallowed sirkle a radiant mother, and a stalwart sire; _now_, too oftin a puny father, with unsertin knees, a romantik madame, with a pale lily at her breast, a wet nuss, 2 Bridgits and a kennel ov sore eyed pups. _Then_, they went tew meeting, to hear a docktrin sermon, and be humbell before God; _now_, they flaunt into holy palaces, and pay out fortunes every year, to lounge on velvet, and hear the Bible amateured, by a daintee gentleman, who handles their sins as he would a sleeping infant. _Then_, our halls ov legislatur were filled with honest patriots; _now_, with clever bandits, whose courtesys dwell upon the tips ov buoyknives, and whose eloquence and arguments are couchant in the chambers ov deadly revolvers. _Then_, we had youths apprenticed to a honest calling, whose indenters were diplomas; _now_, pale young gentlemen, emulous ov fisick, or the law, who are pendant to the perlews ov the courts and colleges, watching for the falling ov a crumb. _Then_, we had maidens until they had bin looked upon bi at least 20 summers, and were modest enuff tew pick out a husband from a skore ov earenst and honest men, whoze very eyes had the promis ov bread in them; _now_, 15 summers make a woman, (or what we are obliged tew take for one,) and one so ripe too, that he who fust shakes the bush, gits the eager fruit. _Then_, our literatur and learning waz drawn from sound philosophee, or quaint proverbs ov sense, and the fu books that prevailed was good; _now_, evryboddy writes a book, and evry phool reads it; learning is sterotiped, and wisdom iz only 12 shillings a vollume. _Then_, industry kreated wants, virtew tempered them, and frugality supplied them; _now_, luxury haz taken the plase ov industry, pride the plase ov virtew, and extravaganse the plase ov frugality. _Then_, men ware solisituss about their karakters; _now_, about their pedigrees. _Then_, they found health at hum; _now_, they hunt for it bi travell. Finally--if our Grand Pops should cum among us, with the plans and precepts ov a hundred years ago, we, in our impudence and wickedness, would be caught laffing at them, while they, in virtuous sorrow, would be in tears over us, and thus would be enakted the scenes which alwus ensews when fools and sages meet. XXX. OATS. Munny has dun one thing fur the world that no thing else could hav did so well--it has developed the phools.