The best kind ov advice fur me tew foller is this: "Pay tew the order ov Josh Billings 50 dollars and charge mi akount--John Burch." I had rather hav 10 Dollars ov this kind ov advice than six hundred in Christian consolashun; there is more sassage in it. Although mankind worship wealth, I will give them credit fur one thing--they seldom mistake it fur brains. Most aul the grate things hav bin did by taking the chances. Prudence has but one eye, while fortune has a thousand. If a man has 2 stummuks and 2 outsides, thare might be sum excuse fur adding 10 thousand dollars more each year tew his pile. I don't read enny boddy else's poetry but Homer's, upon the same principle that i alwus drink, when it is just as handy, out ov a spring, instead ov the outlet. Treason is one ov them kind ov stains that wash well. If a man has got tew be poor aul his life, I aint sure but it would be sum munny in his pocket tew be ignorant. Fust class virtu is alwus anxus tew avoid temptashun. Yu kant transplant a Yaukee suckcessfully without taking up a good deal ov the sile with the roots. Originality in writing is as diffikult as gitting a fishpole by the side ov a trout brook--aul the good poles hav bin cut long ago. It is easy enuff tew git religion, but tew hold it is what bothers a fellow. A good grip is better than rubis--yea! than mutch fine cotten cloth. I enjoy a good laff--one that rushes out ov a man's soul like the breaking up ov a Sunday school; but a laff that cums tew the surface, as the hickucks cum, or backs out ov a man, like the struggles ov a chicken choked with a chunk ov haff wet dough, i utterly lament. Thare aint no poetry in poverty, but enny number ov feet ov blank verse. When a fellow knows he is being stared at, it makes him act as unnatral as though he wos setting fur his picktur. I am called a "broad humorist," and i am glad ov it: thare is plenty ov narrow humorists in the country without me. Enny man who will kompell a woman tew make a shirt fur 20 cents, ought tew be filled full ov fish-hooks and be used for bait tew ketch other sharks with. Silence is one ov the negativ virtews. XXXI. WATERFALLS. I rather like waterfalls. I kant tell _why_, enny more than I kan tell why I love kastor ile--but kastor ile is good for a lazyness in the system. I don't like laziness ov no sort--not even in muskeeters. I want my muskeeters lively. But aul this iz foreign tew mi purposs. I like waterfalls--they are so eazy and natural. They attack all the sex. Some they attack with grate fury, while others they approach more like a siege, working up slowly. I saw one yesterday. It want no bigger than a small French turnup. It had attaked a small woman ov only 9 summers duration. She waz full ov recreation, and when she bounded along the sidewalk the waterfall highsted up and down in an ossillating manner, resembling mutch the sportive terminus ov a bob-tailed lamb, in a grate hurry. The effeck was purely eclectick.