How menny men thare is who argy, just as a bull dus, chained tew a post; they beller and paw, but they kant git away from the post. Monuments are poor investments--the bad don't deserve them, and the good don't need them. Thare is a grate menny stricktly honnest folks in this world; they wouldn't take a cent from enny man that didn't belong tew them, nor giv enny man a cent that didn't belong to them. I consider cerimony principally an effort ov vanity, or a kind ov fashionable golden rule, which stimulates folks to do unto others as they would hav others do unto them. Criticks are generally self-made men, and often poor jobs at that. Thare is one happiness in me that haint grone an hour older sinst it was born, and that is--the fun of the thing. The heathens worship wood and stone; christians worship Nevada bricks. It ain't no credit tew a cow to giv a pail full ov milk, and then kick it over--nor any other man. XXXVII. SPRING--MAY, 1868. Spring has cum. She has bin on the road about a month. I am glad she has cum, on account ov the grass. The grass waz beginning tew get oneasy about it. I hope the cows will eat sum grass forthwithly, so as tew lower down the price ov butter. Butter has got tew be sassy. 55 cents a pound! Who in thunder ever seed butter so high before? A feller has got tew go up garret now, tew spread his bread, and then stand on tip-tose tew eat it. Evrything is hi now! Dandelion greens has riz; i bought a bushel yesterday, and pade 4 dollars fur it. i wanted a mess, and mi wife sed it was jist like me, bought 6 times tew mutch. i told her tew dry what she didn't want tew bile: they would go good next winter on bukwheat slap-jacks. She stuk up her nose and slammed the door; but she loves me for aul that, better than enny other woman dus. As i sed before, spring has cum. Mi hart begins tew kick up her heels, and i feel a limberness in my soul; i think i must be thawin out. I hav a nateral gift for spring melankolly. I luv tew hear a robin sing; it is as sweet as sadness. I luv tew prokure a violet as soon as i can, each year; there is such a mild impediment in their butiful fases; thay put me in mind ov an orfan child, that has strayed oph into a dell and sot down tew cri. As i sed before, i am glad spring has cum, on akount ov the new bunnets. And altho butter and dandelion greens are condem hi, my wife ses spring bunnits is real cheep, (and she knos,) she can get a decent one fur 48 dollars, without enny trimmins. I am real glad that one ov the necessaries ov life ain't onreasonable. Potatose and korn beef and ri flour and other luxuries is hi, and i don't kno, fackt, but they ought tew be. If folks will hanker after sich things, let them pay for them. * * * * * I am satisfied--Spring has cum, and bunnits are dog reasonable. JOSH BILLINGS. XXXVIII. HARTES. Sum hartes is trumps.