“But I don’t remember it,” I objected, being in one of my denying moods.
“You want to be it again,” he smiled. “It’s born in you. That _is_
memory. But, anyhow,” he added, “you can do both--be a general with
your mind and the other thing with your soul. To shirk your job only
means to come back to it again later, don’t you see?”
Quite naturally, and with profound conviction, he spoke of life’s
obligations. Physical infirmities resulted from gross errors in the
past; mental infirmities, from lost intellectual opportunities;
spiritual disabilities, from past moral shirkings and delinquencies:
all were methods, moreover, by which the soul divines her mistakes
and grows, through discipline, stronger, wiser. He would point to a
weakness in someone, and suggest what kind of error caused it in a
previous section, with the same certainty that a man might show a scar
and say “that came from fooling with a mowing machine when I was ten
years old.”
The antipathies and sympathies of To-day, the sudden affinities like
falling in love at sight, and the sudden hostilities that apparently
had no cause--all were due to relationships in some buried Yesterday,
while those of To-morrow could be anticipated, and so regulated, by
the actions of To-day. Even to the smallest things. If, for instance,
Martin vented his spite and jealousy, working injustice upon another,
he but prepared the way for an exactly adequate reprisal later that
must balance the account to date. For into the most trivial affairs
of daily life dipped the spirit of this remarkable boy’s belief,
revealing as with a torch’s flare the workings of an implacable
justice that never could be mocked. No question of punishment meted
out by another entered into it, but only an impersonal law, which men
call--elsewhere--Cause and Effect.
At the time, of course, I was somewhat carried away by the thoroughness
with which he believed and practised these ideas, though without
grasping the logic and consistency of his intellectual position. I
was aware, most certainly, in his presence of large and vitalising
sensations not easily accounted for, of being caught up into some
unfamiliar region over vast horizons, where big winds blew from dim and
ancient lands, where a sunlight burned that warmed the inmost heart
in me, and where I seemed to lose myself amid the immensities of an
endless, vistaed vision.
This, of course, is the language of maturity. At the time I could not
express a tithe of what my feelings were, except that they were vast
and wonderful. To think myself back imaginatively, even now, into that
period of my youth with Julius LeVallon by my side, is to feel myself
eternally young, alive forever beyond all possibility of annihilation
or decay; it is, further, to realise an ample measure of lives at my
disposal in which to work towards perfection, the mere ageing and
casting off of any particular body after using it for sixty years or
so--nothing, and less than nothing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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