"It is excessively difficult to tell you the truth, to tell you why I am going away. During this week I have thought a great deal of you and of myself, and I have decided that it is necessary for me to go. You understand ... why? And if you love me, do not question me!" He passed his hand across his brow, and, covering his eyes again with the same hand, he added: "This is painful to me.... But you understand, Katia!" My heart began to beat hard in my breast. "I cannot understand," said I, "_I cannot do it_; but _you_, speak to me, in the name of God, in the name of this day, speak to me, I can hear everything calmly." He changed his attitude, looked at me, and caught the branch of lilac again. "Well," he resumed, after a moment's silence, in a voice which vainly struggled to appear firm, "though it may be absurd, and almost impossible to translate into words, and though it will cost me much, I will try to explain to you;"--and as he uttered the words there were lines on his brow, as if he was suffering physical pain. "Go on," I said. "You must suppose there is a gentleman,--A. we will call him,--old, weary of existence; and a lady,--Madame B. we will say,--young, happy, and as yet knowing neither the world nor life. In consequence of family relations A. loved B. like a daughter, with no fear of coming to love her differently." He was silent, and I did not interrupt him. "But," he suddenly pursued, in a brief, resolute voice, without looking at me, "he had forgotten that B. was young, that for her life was still but a game, that it might easily happen that he might love her, and that B. might amuse herself with him. He deceived himself, and one fine day he found that another feeling, weighty to bear as remorse, had stolen into his soul, and he was startled. He dreaded to see their old friendly relations thus compromised, and he decided to go away before these had time to change their nature." As he spoke, he again with seeming carelessness passed his hand across his eyes, and covered them. "And why did he fear to love differently?" I said, presently, in a steady voice, controlling my emotion; but no doubt this seemed to him mere playful banter, for he answered with the air of a deeply wounded man: "You are young; I am no longer so. Playing may please you, for me more is necessary. Only, do not play with me, for I assure you it will do me no good,--and you might find it weigh on your conscience! That is what A. said," he added,--"but all this is nonsense; you understand, now, why I am going; let us say no more about it, I beg you...." "Yes, yes, let us speak of it!" said I, and tears made my voice tremble. "Did she love him or not?" He did not reply. "And if he did not love her," I continued, "why did he play with her as if she were a child?" "Yes, yes, A. had been culpable," he replied interrupting me; "but all that is over, and they have parted from each other ... good friends!"