My notable Shakerags, the effect of my sute is discouered in the Title of my supplication; but for your better vnderstandings, for that I know you to be a sort{20:9} of witles beetle-heads that can understand nothing but what is knockt into your scalpes, These are by these presentes to certifie vnto your block-headships, that I, William Kemp, whom you had neer hand rent in sunder with your vnreasonable rimes, am shortly, God willing, to set forward as merily as I may; whether I my selfe know not. Wherefore, by the way, I would wish ye, imploy not your little wits in certifying the world that I am gone to Rome, Jerusalem, Venice, or any other place at your idle appoint. I knowe the best of ye, by the lyes ye writ of me, got not the price of a good hat to couer your brainles heads: if any of ye had come to me, my bounty should haue exceeded the best of your good masters the Ballad-buiers, I wold haue apparrelled your dry pates in party coloured bonnets, and bestowd a leash of my cast belles to haue crown'd ye with cox-combs. I haue made a priuie search what priuate Jigmonger{20:24} of your jolly number hath been the Author of these abhominable ballets written of me. I was told it was the great ballet-maker T. D., alias Tho. Deloney, Chronicler of the memorable liues of the 6. yeomen of the west, Jack of Newbery, the Gentle-craft{20:26}, and such like honest mē, omitted by Stow, Hollinshead, Graftō, Hal, froysart, and the rest of those wel deseruing writers; but I was giuen since to vnderstand your late generall Tho. dyed poorely, as ye all must do, and was honestly buried, which is much to bee doubted of some of you. The quest of inquiry finding him by death acquited of the Inditement, I was let to wit y^t another Lord of litle wit, one whose imployment for the Pageant was vtterly spent, he being knowne to be Eldertons immediate heyre{21:7}, was vehemently suspected; but after due inquisition was made, he was at that time knowne to liue like a man in a mist, hauing quite giuen ouer the mistery{21:11}. Still the search continuing, I met a proper vpright youth, onely for a little stooping in the shoulders, all hart to the heele, a penny Poet, whose first making{21:14} was the miserable stolne story of Macdoel, or Macdobeth{21:15}, or Macsomewhat, for I am sure a Mac it was, though I neuer had the maw to see it; and hee tolde me there was a fat filthy ballet-maker, that should haue once been his Journeyman to the trade, who liu'd about the towne, and ten to one but he had thus terribly abused me and my Taberer, for that he was able to do such a thing in print. A shrewd presumption! I found him about the bankside{21:21}, sitting at a play; I desired to speake with him, had him to a Tauerne, charg'd a pipe with Tobacco, and then laid this terrible accusation to his charge. He swels presently, like one of the foure windes; the violence of his breath blew the Tobacco out of the pipe, and the heate of his wrath drunke dry two bowlefuls of Rhenish wine.