Kenelm Chillingly — Volume 08Lytton, Edward Bulwer Lytton, Baron
General
Kenelm Chillingly — Volume 08
Lytton, Edward Bulwer Lytton, Baron
English fiction -- 19th century
goodness when dining for the first time at your father's palace. Shy
and sensitive and young, I felt that his grand guests wondered why I
was invited to the same board as themselves. You, then courted,
admired, you had sympathetic compassion on the raw, sullen boy; left
those, who then seemed to me like the gods and goddesses of a heathen
Pantheon, to come and sit beside your father's protege and cheeringly
whisper to him such words as make a low-born ambitious lad go home
light-hearted, saying to himself, "Some day or other." And what it is
to an ambitious lad, fancying himself lifted by the gods and goddesses
of a Pantheon, to go home light-hearted muttering to himself, "Some
day or other," I doubt if even you can divine.
But should you be as kind to the presumptuous man as you were to the
bashful boy, and say, "Realized be the dream, fulfilled be the object
of your life! take from me as her next of kin, the last descendant of
your benefactor," then I venture to address to you this request. You
are in the place of mother to your sister's child, act for her as a
keeper now, to prepare her mind and heart for the coming change in the
relations between her and me. When I last saw her, six months ago,
she was still so playfully infantine that it half seems to me I should
be sinning against the reverence due to a child, if I said too
abruptly, "You are woman, and I love you not as child but as woman."
And yet, time is not allowed to me for long, cautious, and gradual
slide from the relationship of friend into that of lover. I now
understand what the great master of my art once said to me, "A career
is a destiny." By one of those merchant princes who now at
Manchester, as they did once at Genoa or Venice, reign alike over
those two civilizers of the world which to dull eyes seem
antagonistic, Art and Commerce, an offer is made to me for a picture
on a subject which strikes his fancy: an offer so magnificently
liberal that his commerce must command my art; and the nature of the
subject compels me to seek the banks of the Rhine as soon as may be.
I must have all the hues of the foliage in the meridian glories of
summer. I can but stay at Grasmere a very few days; but before I
leave I must know this, am I going to work for Lily or am I not? On
the answer to that question depends all. If not to work for her,
there would be no glory in the summer, no triumph in art to me: I
refuse the offer. If she says, "Yes; it is for me you work," then she
becomes my destiny. She assures my career. Here I speak as an
artist: nobody who is not an artist can guess how sovereign over even
his moral being, at a certain critical epoch in his career of artist
or his life of man, is the success or the failure of a single work.
But I go on to speak as man. My love for Lily is such for the last
six months that, though if she rejected me I should still serve art,
still yearn for fame, it would be as an old man might do either. The
youth of my life would be gone.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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