Jeremy I want to tell you, sir--no boasting--I'm well thought of by the combat troops. Peacock I'm sure of it, and I congratulate you, sir. Jeremy When there's something particularly tough to do, they always call for me. Ask my major. Worthy It's true. Peacock I believe it. Jeremy So, you see, I have all the honor and reputation I could wish. Unfortunately, my body isn't made of iron. Peacock I see. Jeremy I came down with asthma in Germany while I was pursuing the enemy. Peacock The cause of your illness is worthy of-- Jeremy Here's how it happened to me. I reconnoitred an enemy scouting party. I attacked them; they resisted. I redoubled my efforts. They regrouped. Then, they fled. I followed them, but then I was obliged to give up the pursuit. I couldn't get my breath. They said I have swollen glands. So, since then, I've been asthmatic. Peacock (aside) He's consulting me for his own amusement--but I will mock him in his turn. (aloud) You wish a remedy that will soothe you? Jeremy Exactly! Peacock I have an infallible remedy. But, I have a scruple about curing you. Jeremy What's that? Peacock I think you should keep your asthma and seek a disability pension. Jeremy I like your idea. (Enter Dudley from the house and Flem after him.) Dudley Murder! Help! Help! Fire! Peacock Why all this noise? Jeremy What do I see? There's a face I've seen before. Yes, my word, it really is! It's Rosebud. Major, don't you recognize him? Worthy It's Rosebud all right. The deserter. Dudley Oh, yes, sir, it's me. I beg for pardon. Jeremy Coward! Fortune has delivered you to justice. Dudley Oh, Colonel, have pity on me. Jeremy Say, what! God! Why did you disappear without leave? Dudley The Captain was always beating me and there was nothing I could do! Jeremy For God's sake, abandon the battlefield because you were beaten? To avenge yourself on your captain, couldn't you wait till after the battle? Major, call Sergeant Slaughter and some soldiers to take this deserter to the guardhouse. (Exit Worthy to the street.) Peacock You never told me, you bastard, that you were a deserter. Dudley I never dared to tell you, sir. Peacock What a mess this wretch has got me in. (Worthy returns with several soldiers.) Sergeant Slaughter What is it, sir? Jeremy Arrest that man. Peacock Sir, I beg you to pardon him. Flem We both ask you. Jeremy (folding his arms) It upsets me, gentlemen, not to be able to do as you wish. But, when it comes to punishing infractions of military rules, I am inexorable. Peacock I will cure your asthma. Jeremy I should look to my pension. Flem I'll furnish you all the medicine you need for your old age. Jeremy (after a struggle) No. No. (to soldiers) Hurry up, take this clown without more discussion. You will see that this poor devil will die as quickly in my hands as in yours. (Enter Trippet and Harriet.) Trippet What noise is this I hear? What brouhaha are you making here?