Ladies and GentlemenCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
General
Ladies and Gentlemen
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
Fiction; Short stories, American
"Baby," he said, "when all's said and done, the whole thing's up to
you, way I look at it. I don't suppose there ever was a man who really
loved his daughter but what he figured that, taking one thing with
another, she was too good for any man on earth. No matter who the lucky
candidate is he says to himself: 'Well, if I have to have a son-in-law
I suppose maybe you'll do, but alongside of her you're a total loss.'
That's what any father who's worth his salt is bound to think. And
that's what I'd still think no matter who you picked out. I'm not
saying now what sort of a husband I'd try to pick out for you if the
choice had been left to me. I'd probably want to keep you an old maid
so's I could have you around and then I'd secretly despise myself for
doing it, too. What I'm saying is this: If you're certain you know your
own mind and if you've decided that this boy is the boy you want, why
what more is there for me to do except maybe to ask you just one or two
small questions?"
"Shoot!" she bade, without looking up, but her arms hugged him a
little tighter. "Probably one of the nicest old meal-tickets in the
world," she added, confidentially addressing the top buttonhole of his
sweater.
"Has it by any chance entered into your calculations at this early
stage of the game, how you are going to live--you two? Or where? Or, if
I may be so bold, what on?"
"That's easy," she said, and now she was peering up at him through a
tousled short forelock. "You're going to set us up on a place out here
somewhere--a ranch. We're going to raise beef. He knows about beef. And
I'm going to learn. I aim to be the leading lady beefer of the Imperial
Northwest before I'm done."
"Whose notion was that?" His voice had sharpened the least bit.
"Mine, of course. He doesn't know anything about it. His idea is that
we start in on what he can earn. But my idea is that we start in on a
few of the simoleons that have already been earned--by you. And that's
the idea that's going to prevail."
"Lucky I brought a fountain pen and a check-book along," he said.
"Nothing like being prepared for these sudden emergencies. Still, I
take it there's no great rush. Now, I tell you what: You run along
and locate your mother and get _that_ over with. She knows how I
stand--we've been discussing this little affair our own selves."
"Oh," she said. "Oh, you have?" She seemed disappointed
somehow--disappointed and slightly puzzled.
"Oh yes, several times. And on your way kindly whisper to the young
man that I'm lurking right here behind these rocks ready to have a few
words with him--if he can spare the time."
"Righto!" She reached up and kissed him and went swinging away,
suspecting nothing, and for just a moment Mr. Gatling's conscience
smote him, that she did not suspect.
"I've got to do it," he said to himself, excusing himself. "I've just
got to find out--for her sake and ours--yes, and for his, too. It looks
like an impossible bet and I've got to make sure."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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