England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Love stories; Oxford (England) -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
The mere thought of Douglas Falloden was agitating enough, without the
consciousness that a pair of hostile eyes, so close to her, were on the
watch.
She sprang up, and went through her dressing, thinking all the time.
“What do I really feel about him? I am going to ride with him on
Monday—without telling anybody; I vowed I would never put myself in his
power again. And I am deliberately doing it. I am in my guardian’s
house, and I am treating Uncle Ewen vilely.”
And why?—why these lapses from good manners and good feeling? Was she
after all in love with him? If he asked her to marry him again, as he
had asked her to marry him before, would she now say yes, instead of
no? Not at all! She was further—she declared—from saying yes now, than
she had been under his first vehement attack. And yet she was quite
determined to ride with him. The thought of their rides in the radiant
Christmas sunshine at Cannes came back upon her with a rush. They had
been one continuous excitement, simply because it was Falloden who rode
beside her—Falloden, who after their merry dismounted lunch under the
pines, had swung her to her saddle again—her little foot in his strong
hand—so easily and powerfully. It was Falloden who, when she and two or
three others of the party found themselves by mistake on a dangerous
bridle-path, on the very edge of a steep ravine in the Esterels, and
her horse had become suddenly restive, had thrown himself off his own
mount, and passing between her horse and the precipice, where any
sudden movement of the frightened beast would have sent him to his
death, had seized the bridle and led her into safety. And yet all the
time, she had disliked him almost as much as she had been drawn to him.
None of the many signs of his autocratic and imperious temper had
escaped her, and the pride in her had clashed against the pride in him.
To flirt with him was one thing. The cloud of grief and illness, which
had fallen so heavily on her youth, was just lifting under the natural
influences of time at the moment when she and Falloden first came
across each other. It was a moment for her of strong reaction, of a
welling-up and welling-back of life, after a kind of suspension. The
strong young, fellow, with his good looks, his masterful ways, and his
ability—in spite of the barely disguised audacity which seemed
inseparable from the homage it pleased him to pay to women—had made a
deep and thrilling impression upon her youth and sex.
And yet she had never hesitated when he had asked her to marry him.
Ride with him—laugh with him—quarrel with him, yes!—marry him, no!
Something very deep in her recoiled. She refused him, and then had lain
awake most of the night thinking of her mother and feeling ecstatically
sure, while the tears came raining, that the dear ghost approved that
part of the business at least, if no other.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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