"De ridin' part's de hardest. I rides so you boys kin see me give signs
whah at to march. Does you ride, de nex' boy done crave to. He say,
'Whah at's mah mule?' Fust thing yo' knows, all de Konk'rin' Heroes
would be on mules. Dey wouldn't be no more mules lef' in de world.
Figgeh out what 'ud happen to de Horn Band when de mules heard de toots
an' started tromplin' 'em down. Figgeh out could a band ride mules and
play, bofe. Figgeh out some mo' wid yo' haid, 'stid of usin' it to eat
wid so much, an' yo' might figgeh out I's right."
The logic in Honey Tone's objections appealed to the Wildcat. His
imagination painted a contest between the Horn Department of the brunet
brass band and three or four hundred stampeding mules. "I guess yo'
says sense," he admitted. "Us boys walks."
For a little while he and Honey Tone discussed the details of the
impending parade. "When us passes de' gran'stan'," the uplifter
specified, "I gives de salute. You be leadin' de platoon. When you gits
opposite de gran'stan' yo' says 'Eyes right.' 'At's all you does,
'ceptin' to keep marchin'."
"Who's gwine to be in de gran'stan'?"
"In de gran'stan'? Fust dere'll be de 'ception committee, den all
religious organizations, den all de lodges an' grave clubs, den all de
women an' chillen whut ain't 'filiated wid nothin' but husban's an'
kitchen stoves."
Throughout the discussion the Wildcat's unmounted disappointment ached
until it was suddenly quieted by a detail of the forthcoming ceremonies
which he did not impart to his associate. In the Wildcat's brain was
born a scheme which promised to balance the books between him and Honey
Tone.
"Yo' wife be sittin' in de gran'stan', I s'pose?"
Honey Tone laid himself open to the serious fall which is the common
sequel of deceit. "I ain't got no wife."
"Thought yo' tol' me you wuz a married man when Ah knowed you fust."
The Wildcat was indulging in a little exploration.
"Did I say I wuz married I must've been crazy o' lyin'."
"You is both," the Wildcat inwardly reflected. "'At's at," he said to
Honey Tone. "On'y, wid so much 'flooence, it 'pears like you'd furnish
yo' own mule."
"Ain't I made yo' Supreem Gran' Arrangeh? You p'vides de mule. I takes
care o' rentin' de' gran'stan' at de ball park an' spreadin' de
publicity. Afterwards us has a gran' rally. Mebbe I makes a speech."
With the details of the program accomplished, the defeated Wildcat left
the Konk'rin' Hero in the barber shop and made his way toward Captain
Jack's home and the woodshed wherein was tethered the mascot goat.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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