Attempting to cross a busy thoroughfare in front of a moving omnibus with an impetuous friend, the cautious Lancashire man will say: "Nay, howd on! _There's as mitch room behint as before._" And in response to one who is exaggerating in his language:--"Come! tha's said enough, thou'rt over doing it, owd lad; _there's a difference between scrattin' yor head and pullin th' hair off_!" When disputation waxes high and hot, the same humorist will say: "Come, come lads! no wranglin', let's go in for a bit o' peace and quietness, as Billy Butterworth said when he put his mother-in-law behint th' fire." Of any one whose nasal organ is unusually prominent, in other words, when it is large enough to afford a handle for ridicule, it is said that "he was n't behint th' door when noses were gan out!" * * * * * The etiquette of mourning for lost relations has its ludicrous side. Many of the working-classes in Lancashire, especially in out-of-the-way villages, take pride in the style of their funerals. On such occasions it is usual to have a "spread" in the shape of a "thick tay" on returning to the house after the "burying," when the relations and friends assemble and talk over the virtues of the dear departed. To omit such a provision is looked upon as a neglect of duty not to be passed over without comment. A ham, boiled whole, and served cold along with the tea, is the favourite "thickening" on those occasions. One matron was much scandalized that her next door neighbour had made no further provision for the funeral guests than a "sawp o' lemonade" and a few sweet cakes. "Aw 've laid mi husband an' three childer i' th' churchyard," remarked this censor of her neighbour's conduct, "an', thank the Lord, aw buried 'em o' wi' 'am!" My next story must not be taken as fairly exemplifying the Lancashire female character, which, indeed is usually of a very different complexion. It is, however, related as a fact that a poor old fellow as he lay dying, and who, in an interval of reviving consciousness, detected the smell of certain savoury viands that were being prepared, managed in his weakness to say to his better-half who was busy near the fireplace: "Aw think aw could like a taste o' that yo've gettin i' th' pot, Betty." "Eh! give o'er talkin' that way, Jone," was the response, "thae cannot ha' noan o' this; it's th' _'am_, mon, as aw'm gettin ready for th' buryin!" * * * * * There is sarcastic humour in the remark made by one to his friend who had just buried his uncle, the latter when alive having been something of a rip: "I've known worse men, John, than your uncle." "Oh, I'm glad to hear you speak so well of my uncle," was the response of the other, with just a touch of surprise in his look. "Ay," continued the first speaker, "I've known worse men than your uncle, John, but not so d----d many!"